Demons 2

JUNE 30, 2007GENRE: ITALIAN, ZOMBIESOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)Next time I see my good friend Jeff, I am going to punch him right in his fucking cock. I was going to do that anyway, but now that I have seen Demons 2, at least I’ll have a justified reason.Let me explain.Unless you count the incoherent(er) American version of Phenomena (a.k.a. Creepers), Demons was the first Italian horror movie I ever saw, and I love it (it continues to be my favorite of the subgenre). When I inquired about the sequel, Jeff told me not to bother, that it was terrible. And like anyone would, I blindly accepte

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Italian, Zombie,

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Cronos

JUNE 29, 2007GENRE: VAMPIRESOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)Despite being one of my favorite filmmakers, it took me over a decade to get around to seeing Guillermo Del Toro’s debut film, Cronos. Why, you may ask (assuming you have any interest in my laziness)? The answer is simple: Fangoria recommended it. Fangoria recommends only movies you’re SUPPOSED to like, and whichever ones make money. If you were to go to the library of horror (no such thing exists) and read a year’s worth of Fangoria editor Tony Timpone’s introductory columns, you’ll see he endlessly talks up just about every movie, and

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Vampire,

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Wizard Of Gore (2007)

JUNE 28, 2007GENRE: MAGICIAN, WEIRDSOURCE: THEATRICAL (FILM FESTIVAL SCREENING)The first time I tried to watch the remake of Wizard of Gore, which was a few nights ago, I slept thru 75-80% of it. It was a long day, and it was at midnight. I saw so little of it I couldn't even tell if I liked it or not. As Johnny Depp might say, “The idea of trying to 'review this movie' in any conventional press sense was absurd." So I shrugged it off and watched another movie for HMAD that day. Then I saw the festival was showing the movie again, so I went down to check it out. Since it was starting at

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Magician, Remake, Weird,

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New Year's Evil

JUNE 28, 2007GENRE: EXPLOITATION, SLASHERSOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)In my spare time (so, never) I write a cartoon called Fright Reviews. There is a link to my right, your… right, too, I guess, for more information about it. But the gist of it is: these guys host a horror movie review show and every week find themselves in a plot that mirrors one of the movies they are reviewing. Usually, I watch a movie and then figure out how to make it into a serviceable plot. Only once did I come up with an episode idea first (the show premieres and things go wrong) and then look for a movie that wou

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Exploitation, Holiday, Slasher,

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Judy Clemens's "Till the Cows Come Home"

Judy Clemens's Till the Cows Come Home was a 2005 Anthony Award Nominee for Best First Novel and 2005 Agatha Award Nominee for Best First Novel.Now, with her fourth "Stella Crown" mystery on the way, Clemens speculated about which actors might star in a film adaptation of Till the Cows Come Home:When Marshal asked me to write a blog about my Stella Crown series, giving thought to what actors I would choose for the movie, I had to laugh. Which one of us authors doesn’t dream of our book hitting the big screen? Or even the little screen, these days. Seems like television gets as much play as

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Dark Fields

JUNE 27, 2007GENRE: BREAKDOWN, SLASHERSOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)Look, I don’t know why I’m not labeling Dark Fields “Crap”. When I think about it, there is nothing in the movie to recommend (other than the killer’s motive, see below, preferably after reading the text above it). Possibly because after seeing my favorite non-horror franchise get its fucking balls cut off (plus part of its cock, and like half its spleen) last night, I am just too broken a man. Dark Ride, now is your chance! I’m dishing out somewhat positive reviews and not apologizing for it!!However, I am still of a right

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Breakdown, Slasher,

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Nosferatu: Phantom Der Nacht

JUNE 26, 2007GENRE: VAMPIRE, WEIRDSOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)In the past 6-7 months, I have seen like half a dozen versions of the same goddamn story: Not counting spinoffs like Dracula 3000 and Dracula II, I have watched Dracula (1931), Spanish Dracula (1931), original Nosferatu, Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and now this, the 1979 Werner Herzog version of Nosferatu: Phantom Der Nacht. They all have their differences, but in the end, it's the same damn movie. Look, there’s only so many ways I can see the scene of Harker giving him the real estate forms before I reach my breaking point!Luckily, Her

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Vampire, Weird,

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Trigger Man (2007)

JUNE 25, 2007GENRE: INDEPENDENT, SURVIVALSOURCE: THEATRICAL (FILM FESTIVAL SCREENING)Tonight I checked out the new film from Ti West, Trigger Man. I guess I could save you, me, and the Google index caching service some time and just copy/paste my review for The Roost, because all of the problems I had with that film were just as evident here.Having apparently learning nothing about pacing and editing from his previous effort, West once again gives us a 20 minute film stretched into an interminable 80 minutes. Why he continues to do this is beyond me. From an editing standpoint, even Uwe Boll

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Independent, Survival,

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Kelley Armstrong's "Exit Strategy"

Exit Strategy, the first of Kelley Armstrong's "Nadia Stafford" series, debuts in July.Here's the lead-in to the story, from the publisher:Regulars at Nadia’s nature lodge don’t ask what she does in the off-season. And that’s a good thing. If she told them, she’d have to kill them. She’s a hit woman for a Mafia family. Tough and self-sufficient, Nadia doesn’t owe anyone any explanations. But that doesn’t mean she always works alone. One of her contacts has recruited her in the hunt for a ruthlessly efficient serial killer cutting a swath of terror across the country. The assassin is far too s

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The Last Winter

JUNE 24, 2007GENRE: PSYCHOLOGICALSOURCE: THEATRICAL (FILM FESTIVAL SCREENING)The Last Winter was written, directed, and edited by Larry Fessenden. He also produced The Roost (hey, that rhymes!), but I tried not to hold that against him. Producing and writing/directing are two different things (unless you’re Jerry Bruckheimer) and besides, I am forever looking for a good snowbound horror movie. But, like Wind Chill, The Last Winter is not it. Along with Iced and Shredder (two of the worst slasher movies ever made), maybe I just have to accept that snow and horror movies do not mix. Maybe

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Psychological,

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Black Sunday (aka La Maschera Del Demonio)

JUNE 23, 2007GENRE: ITALIAN, SUPERNATURAL, VAMPIRESOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)It must have been great to be around in 1960 when Black Sunday was first released (under the title Mask of Satan). Nowadays, “gore” is something to be expected, but back then, when folks died they did so without blood (or off camera entirely). This was one of the first films to show the graphic outcome of certain actions, such as hammering a mask full of interior spikes into someone’s face.Not that the movie is a gorefest. It’s mainly about some folks running around a castle/graveyard/other typical horror settings t

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Italian, Supernatural, Vampire,

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Dracula 3000

JUNE 22, 2007GENRE: CRAP, VAMPIRESOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)The last week or so has been extremely trying here at Horror Movie A Day. A Brush With Death, Drive-Thru, and now Dracula 3000 are among the absolute worst films I have seen since I began HMAD. To say Dracula is the best of those would be saying exactly nothing at all. It would also be a damnable lie, since Drive Thru comes out on top due to the fact that it has actual production value.But while Brush's crew just had to find themselves an old house and a nice house, the folks behind this cinematic masterpiece had to set their film

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Crap, Vampire,

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House By The Cemetery (aka Quella Villa Accanto Al Cimitero)

JUNE 21, 2007GENRE: ITALIAN, SLASHER, WEIRDSOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)Reward: One (1) new copy of this Lance Henriksen movie called The Garden (I won it from a contest and they sent me two) to anyone who can explain what the fuck is going on at any point during House By The Cemetery. Not since The Demon has a Horror Movie A Day movie baffled AND borderline bored me so much, sometimes even simultaneously.First off, before the ranting, I must give props to Lucio Fulci. Unlike most directors, including Americans, he chose NOT to fake Massachusetts in North Carolina or Canada, and instead actua

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Italian, Slasher, Video Nasties, Weird,

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Matt Haig's "The Dead Fathers Club"

Matt Haig is the author of a new novel for young readers Shadow Forest (in the U.K.; Samuel Blink and the Forbidden Forest in the U.S.) and two novels for adults: The Last Family in England, which tells the story of Shakespeare's Henry IV, Part 1 with the protagonists as dogs, and The Dead Fathers Club, which is based on Hamlet and is a "hilarious and touching novel narrated by an eleven-year old boy who is visited by his father’s ghost."While The Dead Fathers Club may well be coming to a cineplex near you in the not too distant future, Haig was good enough to share his thoughts on who might

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The Funhouse (1981)

JUNE 20, 2007GENRE: SLASHERSOURCE: UNIVERSAL HD CHANNELI don’t know if I have ever mentioned it, but I really fucking hate Dark Ride. There are many reasons why, and I am sure by the time I completely run out of movies to watch I will have divulged them all. But one reason in particular is that it was a pale imitation of Tobe Hooper’s The Funhouse, which itself was not very good to begin with. If you’re going to rip off a movie, make it better!But my opinion was based on a TV version I had seen when I was like 13. So I decided I owed it to myself, and… well, just myself I guess, to watch it

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Slasher, Video Nasties,

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