Non Canon Review: The Thing (1982)

JUNE 13, 2008

GENRE: ALIEN, MONSTER

SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

OK I could have sworn that I wrote a “Non Canon” review for The Thing back when I last saw it, on a double bill with Invasion of the Body Snatchers last year, but I guess not. What a jerk I am.

Then again, it’s hard to review a film as close to perfect as this, especially for someone as cynical and sarcastic as me. I dunno about you guys, but the reviews for films I downright love tend to be boring as hell, and reek of cocksuckery. But, I’ll try.

The reason the film works as well as it does is that we get to know the guys in the middle of a panic. The "Thing" invades their base pretty much in the first scene, and it’s not too long after that that we have our first big effects scene. It would be more traditional to have a half hour or so of “getting to know you” type shit, but that would just be dull (indeed, some TV broadcasts have a sort of intro to each character, and it throws the pace of the film way off). We don’t need to know too much about their backstory, because it’s not relevant to the film’s story. We just need to know how they act in times of stress/danger, and that is revealed as the film goes. The Poseidon remake attempted this very same thing (with the same star!), and failed for the most part – because it was used to cover plot holes. Sure, it was great to have the wave hit 10 minutes into the film, but it got downright laughable to see Kurt Russell or Josh Lucas endlessly reveal old jobs that they had that would allow them to know how to do whatever the plot required. “I used to be a fireman.” “I used to be a plumber.” “I was the mayor of New York.” “I was a professional swimmer.” Etc.

And, as everyone already knows, Rob Bottin’s effects are fucking brilliant, and STILL look good, even better than the stuff we see today. There is literally only one effect in the entire film that looks a bit fake (a stop motion tentacle near the very end), and I am still downright flabbergasted as to how some of them were achieved. Whatever won the Oscar instead in 1982 (ET?) did not deserve it – they shouldn’t have even had nominees, and just given it to Rob right off the bat.

One thing I never noticed before was that Carpenter clearly did a few bits of the score himself. I’m sure I picked up on it on a subconscious level, but there are at least two scenes where the music is clearly not Ennio Morricone’s. Carpenter even admitted it, sort of, in the post film Q&A.

Watching it alongside Carpenter’s other films from the period just makes something stick out all the more, though – the cast. Other than Russell, who was making his third film with Carpenter, none of the usual character actors such as Tom Atkins or Charles Cyphers are in the film (Donald Pleasence was supposed to play Blair, but there was a scheduling conflict). I am not sure why he didn’t use his regular guys – if the film has one flaw, it’s that a few of the lesser known actors are clearly fodder. Populating the entire cast with faces (if not necessarily “names”) would have made the “Who is the thing?” sequences even more suspenseful. It’s also worth noting that Escape From New York, Carpenter’s previous film, was cast almost entirely with his regulars, and after that, none of them (Atkins, Cyphers, Jamie Lee, Nancy Loomis, Adrienne Barbeau, John Strobel, Nancy Stephens) worked with him again*. Weird.

As for the remake business, I'm happy to use it as an example when I explain that a remake is a valid idea for a film. But in all honesty, since the original was based on a story, and not very faithful to it, and this film is an adaptation of that same story with no real connection to The Thing From Another World (the title logo is about the only thing carried over), I would argue that it's not a remake at all. What do you guys think?

Remake or not, it’s simply an effective movie. I’ve seen it probably 8 or 9 times now, and I still jump at two points, and often forget which ones are “things” during certain sequences. It’s Carpenter and Cundey’s finest LOOKING film, for sure, even better than Halloween (those snowy landscapes and pitch black backgrounds sell the isolation effortlessly). The fact that it tanked (and was trashed mercilessly by the critics) upon its initial release still boggles the mind; even though I understand the whole “After ET people wanted to LIKE aliens” idea, it’s still just amazing that critics didn’t appreciate it, especially now when its often considered his best film (2nd best IMO – Halloween is and will always remain my personal favorite).

On a side note, the fact that I never finished the PC game is really gnawing at me lately, even though I didn’t really love it all that much (due to the strangely inconsistent manner in which the game presented itself as a sequel – they were supposed to be isolated, but now there’s like 200 buildings in the area and about 500 corpses lying around?). Anyone know if the Xbox version is compatible with the 360? I hate playing on my PC nowadays.

What say you?

*Unless you count Atkins and Loomis in Halloween III, which Carpenter produced.

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Alien, Carpenter, Monster, Non Canon,

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Non Canon Review: Night Of The Creeps (1986)

MARCH 21, 2008

GENRE: ALIEN, COMEDIC, ZOMBIE
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

As much as I love James Gunn for Dawn of the Dead and Slither, I can’t say I really believe him when he says that he never saw Night of the Creeps before he wrote Slither. There are too many similarities to chalk it up to coincidence: the arrival of the parasite, the manner in which they ‘infiltrate’ humans, the way that infected humans look... come on now. He at least read the IMDb synopsis.

Doesn’t matter, because both movies are a blast, and I’m happy to have both. Creeps only has one major problem – the acting of Jason “Worst Rusty Ever” Lively, but it’s not even nearly enough to cripple the film, and you can even pretend it was intentionally bad acting to fit in with the corniness of old 50s movies (his appearance as Rusty confirms that no, he just can’t act worth a shit).

Otherwise this is a perfect B horror-comedy. Tom Atkins is possibly more awesome here than he is in Halloween III, which is saying quite a lot. His default phone greeting (“Thrill me”) is amazing enough for me to use it in real life on occasion (though I often reverse the way Rusty says it, and go“Thrill me, detective” instead. It’s less awkward.). The tagline is of course the stuff of legend (“The good news is....”). There’s another line that I think is just as good, involving a flamethrower. It’s the type of movie you will quote over and over.

It’s also a batshit movie. The first 20 minutes have alien wars, rotted zombies, a science project that requires a bunch of brains to be stored in the cellar, David Paymer running another science experiment in a college lab, a serial killer... holy shit!

The movie also features a guy named Steve Marshall, playing JC, Rusty’s best friend. However, until now I thought he was the guy from Nightmare on Elm St 3 who was in a wheelchair. He’s not. That guy’s name is Ira Heiden. I apologize to both unknown 80s actors.

Like Monster Squad, the movie is essentially over before you know it (the structure is much better though), but it’s fun from start to finish, and it’s a real shame that it’s STILL not on DVD, because there’s probably a lot of kids who have never seen it (even more of a shame when you consider they probably love Slither to death). I’ll scream like a banshee the day Anchor Bay or one of those guys manages to get this one a nice special edition a la Squad, because in my opinion it’s even more deserving of one.

What say you?

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Alien, Comedic, Non Canon, Zombie,

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Xtro (1983)

FEBRUARY 21, 2008

GENRE: ALIEN, BRITISH, MONSTER
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

I really have to start watching more British monster movies. Raw Meat was a total delight (mainly thanks to Donald Pleasence) and now Xtro follows suit. No one is as good as Pleasence, but the over smugness of the two male leads, coupled with the general batshittedness of the whole thing, makes for one of the most fun times I’ve had watching a movie by myself in ages.

Again, it’s almost always better to go into a horror movie knowing pretty much nothing other than the fact that it’s a horror movie. Such was the case with this; I thought it was about a monster loose in Los Angeles for some reason. Without any expectations or the slightest idea of what I was in for, I was able to judge the film without any bias or prejudice. Plus it was really short, so I had time to play some Rock Band after it was done, which added to my Xtro appreciation.

Let’s get the minor quibbles out of the way first. The direction (or editing) is really odd at times during the non-horror scenes, resulting in more than a couple occasions of people talking before they were introduced or placed in the scene. “Who’s talking?” will be a common utterance for viewers who like to talk to their TV. Also, the transfer for the DVD was pretty bad; in addition to lots of dirt and “flecks” throughout the film, there were also some unforgivable compression artifacts during fades and the like. Any movie that features a man who is really an alien sucking on his son’s shoulder in order to “impregnate” the lad with his own alien deserves a lot better!

Otherwise the movie is perfect (as perfect as British low-budgeters about aliens that can create circus folk out of nothing and use them to kill nosy neighbors can be anyway). There’s a birthing scene that is probably one of the all time best in these type of movies, and some other pretty nasty effects as well. Plus, as mentioned, the aliens have some sort of advanced mental abilities that allow them to just think of something and make it appear. Naturally, this means that the alien kid makes a circus midget, a panther, and a giant toy soldier appear and take out some kindly supporting characters, including his super hot babysitter.

The female lead is that unconventionally hot broad from Macabre. She kind of looks like a hot (and female, obviously) Tim Curry. Her character is the closest thing to ‘normal’ that appears in the movie, as she’s not an alien, a wholly unnecessary babysitter, or a doctor who doesn’t seem very concerned that a child would be covered in blood when he appeared to have no wound. This bit is one of several in the film that don’t quite make sense (or ever get resolved), but it’s also part of its kitchen sink charm.

Nothing can explain why the kid and his alien dad are so bad at Connect Four though:

Now, as you can see, I have highlighted three examples of the game already having been won. And when the kid finishes putting in the piece seen in the picture, the alien dad instantly knows he has lost, so it’s obvious that his alien world taught him how to play the game, or at least left that part of his human brain intact. This was wholly unacceptable! If you’re going to distract me with a famous board game, goddammit make sure that the prop guy has set the thing up in a reasonable manner!!! And I don’t buy that “his dad was letting him win” bullshit – not only did the kid himself already have a four-line, but he’s a goddamn alien! They know no mercy!

The DVD extras are pretty thin, but the interview with director Harry Bromley Davenport more than makes up for it. He’s British, and thus quite unrestrained. He goes off on the ending, the lack of resources, and particularly the Canadians and star of the 2nd film (there are 3 total, and he directed them all). He also seems merely annoyed that the star of the film is no longer with us, muttering “He’s DEAD now, amazingly...” and pretty much sighing in annoyance. Oddly, this makes the 2nd example of this type of non-sentiment this week, as the uncle in The Innocents touched upon the memory of the former governess by complaining that “the confounded woman DIED” at a really bad time for him. Ah, death, such an inconvenience to everyone else. The other extras are just alternate endings (one of which is the same as the theatrical ending, best I can tell?), and a deleted scene without audio – wholly useless since the scene is the mother and kid talking over breakfast.

Not sure why this one doesn’t have a bigger following, it’s the type of bad movie that almost anyone can love, and the effects are superb to boot. Highly recommended!

What say you?

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Alien, British, Monster,

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Alien Vs. Predator: Requiem

DECEMBER 25, 2007

GENRE: ALIEN, MONSTER
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REGULAR SCREENING)

Going to the movies on Christmas night is a tradition of mine that goes back to when I was 14 (the movie was Street Fighter!!). I can't remember if I went in 1996 (if I did it was Mars Attacks) but every other year is accounted for, and usually the movie is pretty good, and some are among my favorite films of all time (Cast Away and Jackie Brown, for examples). Every now and then though, it's a downright stinker, wrecking Christmas in the process (such as Paycheck). Well this year's movie was Alien vs. Predator: Requiem, and as it turns out, its an ironically apt title. A requiem is another word for funeral, and this film has surely killed whatever goodwill that either the Alien or Predator franchises have ever earned.

Making the original (which wasn't all that great but I didn't hate it as much as many folks did) look positively brilliant in comparison, this has to be the one of the dumbest fucking movies I have seen all year. And since just 2 days before I watched a movie that told us that Mt. Rushmore was carved for the sole purpose of hiding a clue that would lead to a lost city of gold that could have been used to restart the Civil War, that's really saying something.

For all its faults, at least the first film FELT like a franchise film. We had the team of scientists and badasses, like the first two Alien films, and, well, some Predators, like in the Predator movies. Our group this time? A bunch of kids, a sheriff, an ex-con who constantly reminds everyone he's an ex-con, a waitress, a female soldier who just returned home... in other words, a stock motley crew out of any generic action/horror movie. There's a brief mention of the Company in the film's final scene, but otherwise this feels like the most standard Sci-Fi original movie ever. albeit with better effects (one nice thing I will say about the film - the effects are great throughout, with no bad CG and lots of decent blood gags).

Remember Ash, Burke, and the other great human (or at least, humanoid) villains from the other films? Here the primary human antagonist (apart from Robert Joy's military guy who appears in the film for about 47 total seconds) is "Dale", a punk high school kid who punches out the hero's brother (how half-assed does a movie have to be that it doesn't even give the human conflict to the actual hero?) because they are both after the same girl. Yup, if you ever watched one of the other movies in the series and thought that it didn't have enough scenes of high school kids throwing each other into a pool and doing PG rated stripteases, then this is the film for you!

Speaking of the rating, lots of folks, myself included, were excited when this film was announced to be R rated, an upgrade from the PG-13 original. Sadly, while the gore content is upped and there are a few f-bombs thrown into the dialogue, the film is aimed DIRECTLY at a younger audience, content wise, making the rating all the more puzzling. In theory, no one under 17 can see the film, and yet no intelligent person ABOVE 17 can possibly enjoy it. But then again, this is Fox, who have never made the least bit of sense when it comes to their franchise films.

As directors, the Strause brothers certainly know how to keep the pace moving (maybe too fast; this is the shortest film in either franchise), but their technical skills leave much to be desired. Several of the action scenes are shot so close up and edited so quickly, it becomes confusing as to what is happening (I can't see this being DP Daniel Pearl's fault, since he shot both the original Texas Chain Saw Massacre and the remake, the former being one of the greatest horror movies ever and the latter made worthwhile solely on the visuals). And I'm not usually the type to complain about these types of things; for example, there isn't a single moment in Armageddon where I am confused by the on-screen action, and that film is universally reviled for its editing style. Incidentally, this film shares a writer (Shane Salerno) with that film, and much like the first AvP, Armageddon can possibly be re-evaluated by its harshest critics after they sit through this goddamn thing.

Reiko Aylesworth (aka Michelle Dessler from 24) is cute, and in the maybe 20 seconds of screentime where she is kicking ass (pretty much all seen in the trailer), she does well. But her character disappears for long periods of time, and she really comes off like any other random person from the group most of the time, rather than the badass female warrior that any self-respecting Alien movie will have. I half expected her character to get killed off maybe halfway through, for 'shock value', but they don't even bother to do that much with her.

Some of the dialogue in this movie may someday end up on a list of the worst movie dialogue of all time. There's some nonsense about a clock behind a hot girl that, even 2 hours later, my brain has forced itself to forget verbatim, but I'll try. Basically, the hero's brother guy claims that he wasn't looking at the hot girl in class, but at the clock behind her. So later, she strips down to a bathing suit (ALIEN VS PREDATOR!!!), and turns to face the kid as the camera pans a bit to reveal another clock in the background, and she says "Are you STILL looking at the clock?" or something. Are you fucking kidding me?? I like to imagine the set decorator coming to the pool set and being told by a producer that he had to hang a clock on a wall so that they could "pay off" a line that was fucking stupid in the first place with a line that's even fucking stupider, and then crying about what his life entailed. Then he went home and his wife was like "What did you do today, honey?", and he fell onto the floor in fetal position, weeping as he explained. "I had to hang a clock on a wall so that this movie that is called ALIEN VS PREDATOR could make a visual gag concerning some slut's desire to fuck a pizza boy."

The writer(s?) also continually set things up that never pay off, such as a pair of night vision goggles that Aylesworth gives her daughter. Will the Predator find them and look through them for a visual gag? Will she help the Predator find an Alien with them? Nope, they are forgotten about halfway through the film, after continually referring to them over the course of 3-4 scenes. It's bad enough they take time away from the Predators and Aliens to try to develop the human characters, but if you're not even going to follow through with it, it just becomes insulting and even more pointless. In interviews, the Strause brothers claim that they wanted to populate the film with people you can identify with, which was lacking in the other films since most people don't know tough marines, or prisoners, or space pirates. But you know what? I'd RATHER know those people than hang out with any of the fucking dipshits in this movie. Apart from a waitress who gets killed in her second scene, I didn't care if a single one of these people lived or died (and the only reason I wanted the waitress to live is because she was pretty hot).

If the film does well at the box office (which will, if nothing else, prove R rated horror isn't dead), a 3rd film will likely come along. If so, I just hope that whoever writes and/or directs it remembers one thing: The name of the movie is Aliens Vs. Predator. That's what we want to see. I don't think a single person on the planet would give a shit if there were no humans in the film at all. But if there MUST be a group of people that the audience is supposed to identify with, for the love of Christ make them at least somewhat interesting and likable.

What say you?

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Alien, Monster,

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Critters (1986)

DECEMBER 3, 2007

GENRE: ALIEN, COMEDIC, MONSTER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

Man, it’s always a bummer when you see a movie again as an adult that you liked as a kid and it turns out to be a lot less fun and awesome than you remember. Critters is one such movie. I really liked it as a kid, but for some reason forgot to ever watch it again after 1988 or so. So I put it in for one of those “Been Too Long” HMAD picks, and walked away disappointed.

That’s not to say the movie is bad. Not at all. The spaceships are cheesy as hell, but well integrated with the backgrounds for the most part (looks like they ran out of money before doing the final shot of the bounty hunter ship returning to space), and the monster effects are terrific throughout. But it’s just not as fun/funny as it could have been (or as I remember it), and it’s pretty dated as well.

For starters, it takes far too long to get going. By the 40 minute mark, the critters have only killed one superfluous guy. Look, Billy Zane plays a pretty boy with a ponytail, so we need to see him killed a lot sooner than almost an hour in! And why cast the great M. Emmett Walsh in a film if you’re going to forget all about him for almost an hour? Also, we are shown several town locals, but none of them get killed. Since the kill scenes are PG-13 anyway, why not kill a few more of them in standalone sequences? It’s not like it costs that much extra money to show a Crite jump out and snarl, then cut to a shadow of the person being killed or whatever. If memory serves, Critters 2 had more attacks, so I guess the producers agreed. But still, if you’re only dealing with a family of four for most of the time, a lot of the suspense is gone, because you know none of them are going to die. Which is why the similarly comedic Tremors worked so well – they had a motley group of folks all scattered about the town. Even though the film had a relatively low body count in the end, you never felt anyone besides Kevin Bacon and his love interest were truly safe.

I still got a few laughs out of it though. The one old lady’s comment about the bounty hunters being from Los Angeles was hilarious, and I also enjoyed the little ET gag (made even funnier by the fact that Universal obviously wouldn’t allow a REAL likeness so they used the crappiest knockoff toy ever):

And why does that one bounty hunter guy keep changing his face? And why does the Director of Photograpy credit appear over a still image???

What say you?

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Alien, Comedic, Monster,

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Species III

NOVEMBER 27, 2007

GENRE: ALIEN
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

Was there really a demand for Species III? It’s hard to find anyone who likes the original, and NO ONE likes the 2nd one. So why bother with a 3rd entry, especially if they can’t even get Michael Madsen back? Well, surprisingly enough, it’s not all that bad. It’s certainly better than the last one, though that wouldn’t exactly be difficult.

Like yesterday's Teeth, the Species films seemingly exist primarily to scare men out of wanting have sex. The aliens in these films are beautiful, sexually aggressive women who will fuck the shit out of you and then ram a tentacle through your goddamn head (make your own "climax" joke). Yet I feel compelled to keep watching them, if mainly for the eye candy. Natasha Henstridge is one of the most beautiful women in the world, so you gotta give them props for finding a replacement that not only could theoretically pass for her daughter, but is almost just as hot. Sunny Mabrey does just that, and yes, follows her cinematic mother’s footsteps where it counts (i.e. disrobes a few times). Plus, this one gives us another hot alien chick, Amelia Moore, who ALSO gets nude whenever the mood strikes her. God bless these films.

The film itself isn’t too bad either, for a DTV production anyway. Robert Knepper (T-Bag!!!) and some guy who looks the mutant offspring of Pacey and Scott Speedman (or Scott Foley; I can never tell those dudes apart) team up to do some science shit, while Mabrey runs around knocking frat guys about. It’s more complicated than that, involving viruses, clones, embryos, and what I believe is cinema’s first alien incest rape scene, and to be honest, even though the film is close to 2 hrs long, it moves along nicely.

And even though I hated the movie, I liked how Species II wasn’t ignored. I notice a lot of sequels lately tend to forget the other sequels existed and only reference the first one (especially if the sequel(s) tanked and/or sucked, which is certainly the case here). But no, while one doesn’t need to have seen either one of them to understand this film (I’ve only seen the other ones once, during their theatrical run, so fuck if I can remember a damn thing about them), both are mentioned in about equal portions, which is nice of them. The oft-mentioned “Dr Fitch” was Ben Kingsley’s character, that’s about the only refresher you need.

One scene in particular stuck out. Hot bad alien chick stops at a gas station, and demands full service. For some reason, we get numerous close-ups of the gas pump, as if it was foreshadowing something (an explosion perhaps). We get a close up of the tank being opened, the pump going in, the ‘auto-pump’ lever being activated, the auto-pump shutting off, the pump being removed, and then two other shots of the pump on the ground. What the fuck? None of this is interesting! All it does is take away from the scene’s REAL highlight, which is the hot alien chick fucking the shit out of some greasy dude in the filthy gas station bathroom.

The scene also offers a fake Rex Linn.

The DVD has a decent amount of extras too, though perhaps it SHOULDN’T, since the picture quality is pretty poor (everything is washed out, with blacks appearing gray. Ugh). There’s about an hour of making of stuff, and a commentary. So for those keeping score – Species III has lots of information about the film’s creation and production, and a full length commentary, plus some other superfluous stuff; Kill Bill has a trailer.

There really should be some sort of DVD Extra Police.

What say you?

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Alien,

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Bad Taste (1988)

NOVEMBER 16, 2007

GENRE: ALIEN, COMEDIC, INDEPENDENT
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK!!!)

One of the biggest surprise titles on the Chilling Classics set was Peter Jackson’s debut film, Bad Taste. Like Deep Red and Driller Killer, it was a film I had actually heard of before, due to the fact that it wasn’t a public domain curio from the 70s like 90% of the rest of the set. And unlike some of the other “big” titles, it didn’t seem to be an edited version. Obviously I didn’t remember much about the film from the one time I saw it back in high school, or else it wouldn’t be eligible for HMAD, but the gore seems intact and the running time is the same, so it’s kind of puzzling how Mill Creek got it on there.

Anyway, like Evil Dead, the film is a bittersweet reminder of how inventive and borderline insane the director used to be. Considering that the opening weekend of any of the LOTR films outgrossed all of Jackson’s other films combined, I think it’s not entirely ignorant to assume I was one of the few people going to see Fellowship because I was a fan of the director, not the material. While not bad films by any means, I much prefer his older films, where the inventiveness and sheer joy of making films was evident in every frame. Sure, the visuals in LOTR and Kong (a film I barely like at all) are spectacular, but it will always be more impressed with a well done beheading in a film that cost about 10 grand than to see a dinosaur in a film that cost 200 million.

Yet it took 15 years for him to win an Oscar.

Plus the movie is just funny as hell. The scene where Jackson (playing one of two characters) runs around shooting aliens while making the "Neh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh-eh" sound of the machine gun is just one of many laugh out loud moments. There’s also some brilliant off-kilter dialogue (“We are here to fight any threat to the planet Earth!” “And the moon!”). And of course, the gore itself is played for laughs. Fuck, the movie is just fun. As was Dead Alive, and Meet The Feebles, and even The Frighteners for the most part. Then he got all serious and shit. Now he’s making a movie about a 13 year old who gets raped and killed. Yay?

Like Raimi, it’s great that Jackson has gone from making movies with his friends, for no money, in his backyard, to helming the biggest films of all time, but damn if I don’t wish they would return to their roots every now and then. His Hollywood films might be flawless in their presentation, but technical wizardry doesn’t replace genuine inventiveness.

I should also note that this marks the end of my affair with the Chilling Classics set. You may notice that there are only 45 reviews for the 50 film set, but Medusa, Death Rage, War of the Robots, and The Bloody Brood contain no horror elements whatsoever, and Legend of Big Foot is a documentary. I think it was just about exactly one year ago that I bought this little bundle of joy, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t kind of sad to be ‘retiring’ it. While nothing ever matched the amazingness of Cathy’s Curse or Scream Bloody Murder (two of the earliest selections), I was almost always entertained with the films, if not for the intended reasons, and I can only hope that Horror Classics and Decrepit Crypt sets will live up to Chilling’s legacy.

RIP Chilling Classics: November 2006 – November 2007.

What say you?

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Alien, Chilling Classics, Comedic, Independent,

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Invasion Of The Body Snatchers (1978)

AUGUST 26, 2007

GENRE: ALIEN, REMAKE
SOURCE: THEATER (REVIVAL SCREENING)

Tonight, at the last minute, I found out about a great double feature, John Carpenter’s The Thing and Philip Kaufman’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers. They were showing at the New Beverly Cinema, aka the best revival theater in LA. It’s a great idea for a double feature: both were superb (and in Carpenter’s case, superior) versions of 1950s films, and deal with paranoia, isolation, etc. while delivering the suspense and scares one would want from a movie about alien takeovers.

The Thing of course I have seen several times, so it’s ineligible for a Horror Movie A Day review. Suffice to say I think it’s a masterpiece, one of only three in Carpenter’s career (the others are Assault on Precinct 13 and of course, Halloween). The cast is perfect, the makeup is phenomenal, and I still jump at the blood test every goddamn time.

But the ‘78 Body Snatchers was new to me, in fact it was the only one of the four “legitimate” versions of Finney’s novel I had never seen. And like the original and 1993 ones, I dug it a lot. The sound design alone makes the film worth seeing, as it is eerily quiet at times, and unnervingly loud at others. There’s a scene early on, before anything has even happened, with a random Robert Duvall as a priest on a swing, that is more terrifying than anything in the new version with Nicole Kidman. And he’s just swinging! The makeup effects, sparingly used, are also fantastic.

Why aren’t more horror/thriller movies filmed in San Francisco? It’s got such a distinct look, and when used right (The Game comes to mind) it really does become a character in itself.

The great thing about all versions of the film (even the new one) is how it was able to tell the exact same story and yet totally reflect the fears of the respective era: Communism in the 50s, post-Vietnam lack of faith in the government/cover ups in the 70s, pro-war/military might in the 90s, and self medication/global war in the 00s. The 80s were pretty much covered by They Live.

Jeff Goldblum made one of his earliest appearances in this one, and he’s already got his trademark oddness down to a science. But, and I don’t know if it’s intentional, for some reason Leonard Nimoy seems just as cold and alien-like when he’s human as he does when he’s taken over. The Kevin McCarthy cameo is great, and while it’s a bit of a wink at the audience, it’s far more effective than Veronica Cartwright’s likewise appearance in the 2007 one.

Also the film offers a nude Brooke Adams back when that wasn’t a horrible thing to imagine.

There’s a new 2 disc DVD of this one, I can’t see why you shouldn’t own it if you’re a fan. Since it’s such a sparse, somewhat intimate version for the most part, I think it would play even better at home.

What say you?

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Alien, Based On Novel, Remake,

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The Alpha Incident

MAY 21, 2007

GENRE: ALIEN, CRAP
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK!!!)

You know, if I never see another Bill Rebane movie in my life, I'll die a happy man. But I don't plan to watch another one by next week so I guess it's a safe bet.

The Alpha Incident is by far his worst movie. A group of people are exposed to some alien virus and are quarantined inside a building. What could have been a great, Thing style claustrophobic chiller is instead a boring mess. Instead of anything interesting happening (contrary to what the composer tries to make us believe with his nonstop ominous loops), we get four folks (five if you count Buck Flower (!!!) who wisely exits halfway through. We're with ya George!!!) sitting in what looks like a regional car insurance office for 80+ minutes (more irritation - the DVD listed a running time of 86 minutes, but it was actually 95) talking about amphetamines, glucose, radios.... it's as dreadfully boring as it sounds.

Speaking of the music, you know that sound you hear if your video camera is hooked up to the TV and you point the camera at the TV? That sound plays over an entire scene for some reason, only to randomly cut out at one point. OK.

Sometimes we cut to a "lab" (read: high school science room) with "scientists" (Rebane's friends) "racing" (looking at microscopes) "against" (uh... opposed to?) the clock to cure the quarantined leads before they fall asleep and die. These scenes are as boring as the others, but at least it's a different room. There's also some sort of head doctor guy who occasionally calls the main folks to update them on the status of a cure. Or not. At one point he calls to simply say "I just talked to the lab. No progress." Then why the fuck did you call at all?

And, you know, no one expects a technical masterpiece from Rebane, but here he doesn't even seem to be trying (to fail). There's a scene early on of two people talking for what seems like seven and a half hours, and they are both looking screen right as we cut back and forth. Unless the characters are Ewan McGregor and Ryan Gosling, this is a giant cinematic no-no, and the fact that the scene goes on and on just makes it worse. Course, the only other angle of the room is an angled down one from a corner in the office, presumably achieved by placing the camera on top of a filing cabinet, so it's not much of a surprise.

The ending, as is typical of Rebane, can't be bothered to involve any sort of actual climax, with our lone survivor being shot (I think) and the movie freeze frames with him looking down at his "wound", roll credits. Whatever.

Sample dialogue: "I think it's time we took amphetamines." Me too.

What say you?

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Alien, Chilling Classics, Crap,

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