The Amazing Mr. X (1948)

MARCH 20, 2008

GENRE: GHOST, MAGICIAN
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK 2!!!)

With a title like The Amazing Mr. X, I thought this was going to be some sort of sci-fi heavy monster movie. But no, it’s a movie about an inordinate amount of magicians (both professionals and hobbyists) doing their thing for little reason other than to nail one of two sisters. In theory, not a bad idea!

Like a lot of the budget pack movies, this one is a. so short and b. has just enough laughable moments to warrant giving it an OK mark. For example, within 3 minutes of the film’s beginning, we hear a woman say: “If a man ever chased me into the ocean in the middle of the night, I’d shoot him!” If you had a gun, why did you let this theoretical attacker chase you all the way into the ocean? And does the time matter? Is it more acceptable to be chased into the Pacific during broad daylight?

The conversation even gets more puzzling as the two women begin discussing whether or not one of them will accept a man’s proposal later that night. We are given the impression he has asked her before, and their entire attitude about the possible engagement is impressively laid back; they might as well be discussing whether or not they will go to church on Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning. Later, during the actual proposal, the guy seems just as shruggish about it; you get the idea that if the phone rang or something that he might forget to ask entirely. The movie’s message seems to be: Marriage - eh, why not?

Later in the film, it seems as if the writer was just trying to be a wiseass, which results in scenes like this:

(A sinister guy opens a door into a house, where the good guy is already inside)
Good guy: “What are you doing here?”
Sinister Guy: “Right now? Opening this door.”

This is even topped in dry hilarity about 10 minutes later. The bad guy has one of the good guys at gunpoint, and the good guy seems to think the bad guy is out of bullets. So he begins, “I started with 7 shells... I have one in the chamber-“ – and then he is cut off by the cops, who riddle him with bullets before he gets a chance to finish his line. It’s fucking hilarious.

As for, you know, the actual MOVIE? Eh. It reminded me of a few other budget pack ones, including Tormented. Like I said, it’s hardly long enough to get boring, and it’s kind of cool to see so many magicians act snooty with one another, scoffing at the others’ knots and such. There isn’t much in the way of horror, especially when the ‘ghost’ is revealed to be a hoax around the halfway mark or so, but it still moves along nicely, and director Bernard Vorhaus and/or DP John Alton are much more inventive with their camerawork and lighting than many of their peers (there’s a lot of great use of single light sources illuminating just the face on a portrait in a wide shot of a room, and things like that).

Unfortunately, the transfer doesn’t do the film justice. It may be one of the worst on the set thus far, in fact. The usual frame skips are larger than usual (at one point it seems a good 5 seconds is missing) and there picture is off center.

Can YOU read any of this shit?

There’s also the strangest transfer flaw I’ve ever encountered; strange to the point where I am convinced I am imagining it. During several scenes I swear I heard a “TV in the next room” type sound. It certainly wasn’t coming from any defined source in the film itself. If anyone else has the Horror Classics pack, please check on this. I can hear it particularly in the scene where the heroine goes to the house and sees a bird before talking to one of the magician guys. You might need headphones, for it is very faint. And possibly non-existent.

What say you?

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Ghost, Horror Classics, Magician,

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The Wizard Of Gore (1970)

JANUARY 22, 2008

GENRE: EXPLOITATION, MAGICIAN
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

Last summer I went to see the remake of The Wizard Of Gore, and wasn’t exactly thrilled by it. I hated the main character, the sound design made me want to punch someone in the face, and it was just plain boring for the most part. I was assured the original was better in all respects, but I didn’t go out of my way to see it until tonight, when it played at my beloved New Beverly Cinema as part of their monthly “Grindhouse” festival. I should also note that for the first time ever, I won one of the raffle prizes; I am now the proud owner of a Triple H shirt.

Anyway, whoever told me that the original was better was right on 2/3 of the problems. The sound was fine, and the lead character was certainly more likable. But again, the movie is just damn boring. The kill scenes are delightfully gory, but even those are way too drawn out. At one point, Montag kills two girls by shoving swords down their throat. The crowd is hypnotized to believe that everything is fine. After he finishes, he slowly takes the sword out of the girl’s mouth, then undoes the rope around her left hand, then her right, then does a little bow while the crowd cheers. All of this takes like two minutes of screentime. And then he does the entire thing again with the other girl, taking another couple of minutes with him.

And ALL of the kill scenes are like this! It’s like a moebius strip of a movie: the magic show begins, Montag brings up a volunteer from the audience to verify whatever he’s going to use is real, then he kills a girl on stage while the hypnotized crowd watches, then the girl walks off stage, the show is over, the girl dies, the scene is investigated, our hero and his girl talk about it, sleep together, talk to some cops, and then the whole cycle starts again. You could edit out one “cycle” of the film and no one would ever know. Finally, it breaks the mold a bit for a finale, but that is botched as well since we get the ‘it was all a dream’ bullshit.

Now, to be fair, I still had fun watching the film, because roughly half the crowd thought they were as funny as Mike Nelson, and spent the entire time talking back to the screen. See, on MST3k, it’s scripted, and there’s three guys following the script, so it all works. But in a theater with 300 people, you end up getting off timed comments, people talking over one another, everyone scrambling for dominance. And then of course, some folks don’t want to hear anyone but the people in the movie, so they start yelling “shut up!” and the like. Well, for someone like me, who is relatively quiet, this provides just as much, if not more, of the enjoyment. Some of the comments were funny (during the scene where Montag removed the sword from the girl’s throat, someone yelled “she’s a quart low”, which killed me), but everyone mocking a particularly unfunny comment (or simply yelling at the other people to shut up) was even funnier to me. I really should record the ‘commentary’ the next time I attend a movie there; it really does add a lot to the proceedings. Because honestly, without a group of appreciative folks, there’s no way in hell this one would have retained my interest. Thanks fellas!

Also, the gore scenes ARE pretty great, mainly because they're so ridiculous. The final one, Montag doesn't even seem to be using a weapon, and is simply tearing the girl apart with his bare hands. Splatter at its finest. And I sort of like the "who cares" cheapness of it all: the not-even-trying-to-fool-you fake heads, the near empty sets, the television studio that apparently has NASA connections, etc. I also like how the credit sequence, which is mainly blood and other red things, has red titles as well, so most of them are wholly unreadable. Marvelous.

It’s not reviewed, but 2000 Maniacs was one of the first movies I watched when I began watching one every day. I didn’t care too much for that either (though it was certainly better than this), so maybe I just don’t like Herschell Gordon Lewis much. I’ll give Blood Feast a try at some point, but if that one doesn’t get me, I’m afraid I’ll have to give up trying.

What say you?

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Exploitation, Magician,

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Wizard Of Gore (2007)

JUNE 28, 2007

GENRE: MAGICIAN, WEIRD
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (FILM FESTIVAL SCREENING)

The first time I tried to watch the remake of Wizard of Gore, which was a few nights ago, I slept thru 75-80% of it. It was a long day, and it was at midnight. I saw so little of it I couldn't even tell if I liked it or not. As Johnny Depp might say, “The idea of trying to 'review this movie' in any conventional press sense was absurd." So I shrugged it off and watched another movie for HMAD that day. Then I saw the festival was showing the movie again, so I went down to check it out. Since it was starting at an earlier time, I thought maybe this time I’d be able to stay awake, giving the movie the benefit of the doubt. And lo and behold… I fell asleep again. But only for like 10, 15 minutes tops.

Therefore, I now feel confident in saying that the movie is just not that exciting. Though it's not awful by any means. On the plus side of things, the digital video looks pretty good (especially compared to some of the other DV films I’ve seen recently), and director Jeremy Kasten does a good job with the material. The problem is the script, courtesy of Zach Chassler, who's only other genre credit is playing Bathroom Boy #2 in Rock N Roll Frankenstein. Maybe you’re a different person than me, but I tend to like movies with “likeable characters”, a “non-repetitive story” and “sound effects that don’t make me want to gouge my fucking ears out”, none of which are really on display here. Actually, other than an incredibly hot Bijou Philips (with brunette hair – A+), I couldn’t care less about a single person in the movie. Especially the lead character, played by Kip Pardue (a guy whose résumé is literally packed with other annoying indie movies like Thirteen, But I'm A Cheerleader, and Driven). He’s a Matt Damon-lite lameass who wears 1940’s clothing (for no other reason than to appeal to the hipsters who will likely eat this movie up) and says pretentious shit like “the world is my stage, I cast the actors and set the tone” (not a direct quote but close). To me, I think the lead character of a film should be likable, or played by an actor who's charismatic enough to hold your interest in the role. Pardue doesn't fall into either category. Which is a shame, because the story is actually pretty interesting, and had a better actor or a more likable character been used, I'd probably like the movie more.

Worse, the film co-stars (and was possibly financed in part by) Suicide Girls. For those of you who are luckily unfamiliar, SG is a website where girls who might have been attractive once (before they covered a minimum of 25% of their body with bad tattoos and piercings) pose nude for sad folks who buy a membership. Now, for all I know, some are genuinely hot, but none of the ones in this movie are. I would think they would use the pick of the litter if they are trying to drum up business. Which they obviously are – otherwise the girls would use their real names (assuming their parents didn’t threaten to sue them for doing so) instead of nonsense like “Crystal Suicide” or whatever. Bijou should send them a thank you letter; it makes her look even better than usual in comparison.

Crispin Glover plays... Crispin Glover. Again. Maybe some folks aren’t tired of his shtick yet, but for me it’s wearing pretty thin. When the guy wants to, he can genuinely act and play a sympathetic character (Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter for example), it’s a shame he lazily just plays ‘the weirdo’ whenever he needs money to pay for his gonzo movies and mysterious briefcases.

Back to the sound effects though – the Kip Pardue character has some sort of curse that is causing his bones to crack or some goddamn nonsense. So every time the fucking guy moves as much as a pinkie finger, we hear the sounds of celery being broken on a foley stage. It gets annoying after 5 minutes; it lasts for nearly the entire film.

Unless you’re a scenester, Glover obsessive, or somehow enjoy the Suicide Girls, the film doesn't really have much else to offer. It's not BAD, but it's just sort of anti-enjoyable. But as always, it must be pointed out that I like some of the most critically reviled films of all time (“My boat.”), so who knows? If you like it, good, but I won’t gain any more sleep out of it.

What say you?

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Magician, Remake, Weird,

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