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Tampilkan postingan dengan label Post-Apocalyptic. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label Post-Apocalyptic. Tampilkan semua postingan

The Happening (2008)

JUNE 13, 2008

GENRE: POST-APOCALYPTIC
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REGULAR SCREENING)

Those who come to this site because they know me in real life, or because they found it via Bloody-Disgusting, would probably know I interviewed M. Night Shyamalan earlier this week for The Happening. The strange thing was, I hadn't seen the film yet, nor had anyone else, for Fox was only screening it AFTER the interviews had taken place (I couldn't even make that since it was at a ridiculous time: 10am on a weekday). Usually you see the film before, thus allowing you to ask intelligent questions, instead of "So... the trailer's cool...". However, now that I've seen it, I guess it's for the better, as my excitement for the film would have been too diluted from actually SEEING it, and thus the interview would instead have questions like "Seriously dude, what the fuck did you spend 60 million on?"

(NOTE - There are some SPOILERS in the rest of the review, so don't read on if you don't care to know the origin of the titular event. Just know that it's pretty weak and anyone who remembers the film's original title (when he announced it a year or so ago) gives it away anyway. The film as a whole is a step up from Lady in the Water, but still pretty disappointing).

Like The Village, the first half of the film works best. The paranoia is well implemented, the assorted extras who witness various stages of the 'attack' are quite good, and there are some pretty morbid visuals as well. It's also a change for Night - there are no incredibly long shots or scenes in which no one speaks for a minute or so. It's a fast paced story, and the camera/editing reflects it. The problem is our heroes are so bland (and in one case, borderline unlikable) that it becomes a bit of a bore watching them, and only them, deal with what is, sigh, Happening around them. At one point, two of the leads split up, and I was hoping that the film would benefit from this, seeing one group flee while the other (a more interesting character anyway) attempts a rescue of some sort. But the latter is killed off almost as soon as they split apart from the others, and it's back to dullsville (I won't spoil who is who but again, it's not exactly difficult to figure out when you see whose name is above the title).

Another problem is, as usual, Zooey Deschanel. She is ridiculously cute, yes, but she always plays the exact same character - a cold, emotionless introvert. For Christ's sake girl, try a fucking smile once in a while. And since Night's script doesn't give her much to work with anyway, after a while you might wonder why we should even care about her at all. Aren't these the type of people the trees are attacking anyway?

Yes, trees. Our villains are shrubs, grass, etc. Between this, Organizm, and The Ruins, I am considering adding a "Killer Plant" subgenre to my ever expanding list. Though we are spared the sight of a tree literally killing someone with its branches or whatever, we are led to believe that the trees feel that the country is destroying itself, and since they can't move around, they are fighting back the only they can (causing poisonous wind, obviously). In theory it's not really the worst idea ever, but it's a pretty silly concept, and the utter lack of fun to the proceedings (par for the course with Shyamalan) really makes it hard to swallow. If it was a more "fun" film, like your Roland Emmerich types, inane plot points are much easier to accept.

It's the same problem that has plagued Shyamalan for his last 3 films: he simply needs to let someone write his scripts. The concepts are all fine, his direction is great, but the dialogue, structure... other than a few stand alone sequences, they all just fall flat. In Signs, the "small scale apocalypse" concept worked perfectly - the characters were compelling, the motive wasn't really an issue, and since there was an actual PHYSICAL threat to deal with, there were some truly scary/suspenseful scenes. Not so much here, though to be fair there are only a couple attempts at such things (usually it boils down to someone seeing some grass wave around in the wind and then yelling "RUN!" to the others), for the most part it's just the occasional visual meant to give an audience a jolt (such as a road in which everyone has hung themselves from the trees - which doesn't even make sense when you consider who the villain is, but whatever) as opposed to prolonged setpieces.

This could have been his best film in years (I love Sixth Sense and Unbreakable dearly, even now), but his ever-increasing inability to trust others has once again worked against him. For example, his last film, Lady in the Water, was originally a Disney film, like all of his others. But when they told him the script sucked he simply went elsewhere (Warner Bros, who didn't keep him around) rather than allow someone else to take a crack at it. It's a damn shame - his name alone was enough to propel even a rather unsatisfying film like The Village to a huge gross only 4 years ago. But after these last couple, he's in danger of inspiring the exact opposite reaction from an audience. He's a great director, but he keeps betraying his skill by filming lackluster scripts. Hell, he might even fare better directing someone else's shitty script, at least then we can't put the blame solely on him.

On a plus note, his role as an actor in this one is limited to the voice on a phone. At least he figured out one of his weaknesses.

What say you?

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Chosen Survivors (1974)

JUNE 3, 2008

GENRE: PREDATOR, POST-APOCALYPTIC
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

Like, well, not many of the films I watch ("many" would be like, 250 at this point), Chosen Survivors is a film I never heard of until I saw a trailer for it at the New Beverly (which film it was attached to I can no longer recall, sadly). It didn’t look particularly good, but it did promise killer bats and cheesy 70s disaster movie scenarios. I figure, if nothing else, maybe there’s a joke from Airplane! that would make more sense after I saw it.

Nope.

It’s not a terrible movie by any stretch, but it’s painfully dated (again: THIS is the type of movie that should be getting remade) and jarringly paced. I wasn’t expecting nonstop killer bat action, but after a good 20 minute chunk in which the bats are pretty much the major focal point of the film, they all but completely disappear for another half hour or so, only to once again become the main antagonist again for the final act. In between these sequences is like something out of another movie, in which our eponymous characters try to cope with their situation, pair off in order to breed, etc. One film or the other would be fine, but they are combined so clumsily they end up canceling one another out; at no point do the two plotlines feel intertwined.

Essentially, it’s like a lost Michael Crichton adaptation. We have our group of experts in various fields stuck together in a situation that requires them to work together to fight off a common threat. You know, like Jurassic Park. Or Congo. Or Sphere. Or Timeline. Or Prey. Or...

One thing I never expected this film to have in common with yesterday’s was something that reminded me of Tourist Trap. Early on, as the elevator taking the characters down to their new home begins to crash, they all flail about in slow motion. However, the AUDIO is quite obviously recorded at the correct speed, with the actors just trying to SOUND slow. Thus, they just utter some hilarious “aaahhhh”s and “ohhhhh”s, sounds that remind me of my favorite Trap scene (where all the mannequins “scream” before falling on the girl). It’s the best part of the movie by far, but sadly, nothing else is as hilariously inept.

One thing that certainly isn’t funny is a would-be rape scene halfway through. Jackie Cooper (Perry!) suddenly attacks one of the female survivors and forces her to the ground. He keeps pressing on and yelling “I won’t hurt you!” and such, and then finally she says “All right!” and returns his kiss. Uh... no. In a straight up exploitation film this might be perversely hilarious, but in the middle of a melodramatic thriller it’s just awkward and wrong. Then again, for all I know there were more things of this nature; according to the IMDb, the film once ran 130 minutes, but all existing copies run only 99 (and thank god, even at that it gets pretty dull – another 31 minutes would be borderline torture).

The bat effects are actually pretty good. They obviously use real bats as often as possible, and there’s a scene where a few of them crawl (yes, crawl) around on one of the girls’ bed and attack her that’s actually pretty damn great. And the film’s most promoted setpiece, where one of the guys climbs up the elevator shaft to try to reach an emergency button (good place for it), is also pretty thrilling, and again, the effects are reasonably believable. Only in the final bat attack did the effects budget clearly run out, with bad projection and an odd blue outline around all of the characters being attacked. Oh well, can’t have it all.

On a two pack with the superior (and shorter, woo!) The Earth Dies Screaming, this is a pretty good deal for under 10 bucks. No extras, but in the age of Roland Emmerich, it’s sort of refreshing to see post-apoc movies with actual ideas, not effects.

What say you?

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The Earth Dies Screaming (1965)

MAY 31, 2008

GENRE: POST-APOCALYPTIC, ZOMBIE
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

George Romero has frequently listed Carnival of Souls as a source of inspiration for Night Of The Living Dead, but I don't think The Earth Dies Screaming has ever been name-checked. Which is surprising, because it is even more similar than Carnival, in my opinion. Both feature a group of folks holed up in a single location (a hotel), our hero is hated by another, balder survivor, and everyone's dead EXCEPT our heroes, not the other way around.

It's a pretty good movie to boot, despite an abrupt ending. The movie is only 62 minutes long, and with only 7 to go they haven't really begun fighting back or making any real plans to escape their predicament. But then, all of a sudden, the hero begins rambling about finding a radio transmission by doing some simple triangulation (which he does wrong), they drive over to the radio tower, blow it up, and the movie's over. Did they have it in their contract that the movie could only be 62 minutes long?

As for the zombies, they are also rather short-changed. Our villains, robotic men that may be from our own government (our being the British - the American government would NEVER do something so shady!) occasionally ray-gun someone, and they come back as staggering, mindless drones with giant contact lenses to white out their eyes. They don't eat anyone (dammit) but they are, for all intents and purposes, zombies. But their cumulative screentime is brief, even relative to the film's already-brief length. Speaking of the robots, the best moment in the film comes when this is discovered by our heroes. They kill one and see all the robot shit inside its corpse. "A robot!", the hero exclaims, "That makes sense!" He's not being sarcastic.

The opening scene is fantastic. We see the immediate results of the virus that has killed everyone. A guy driving a car dies and the car instantly beelines for a brick wall, a train conductor dies and the train smashes off the rails; a pilot dies and the plane suffers a low-budget plane crash (it goes behind some trees and then we see some smoke); etc. But just when you think that perhaps the virus is limited to killing only folks who are operating transportation vehicles, a few Brits in traditional bowler hats suddenly drop dead for good measure. If they chose to pad out the running time by just displaying an endless succession of folks dropping dead, I would fully endorse the decision.

I also like that the movie always has corpses lying around in the background. So many post-apocalyptic movies are lacking in this department; everyone's dead, but they are nowhere to be seen. It's one thing when it's a full on zombie film, but otherwise it's always been an issue of mine. Blame my morbid sense of humor added to my love of background extras (an organization for which my 'membership' has recently run out - if Navy NCIs ever needs the return of my dockworker character, they will have to recast).


Incidentally, the only reason I rented this film was because it came along with a movie I actually wanted titled Chosen Survivors. I thought the film was a horror movie, but I checked the IMDb before I sat down to watch it and it is listed as Action/Adventure/Sci-Fi or something. The trailer made me think it was horror, so I will have to watch it and decide whether it qualifies on a day that I have time to watch something else if not. If any of you fine folks have seen it - do you think it counts as horror? Supposedly killer bats are in there but I don't know if they are the focus or just the subject of a single sequence.

What say you?

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Doomsday (2008)

MARCH 15, 2008

GENRE: CANNIBAL, POST-APOCALYPTIC
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REGULAR SCREENING)

The first time I ever got a letter printed in Fangoria was a big deal to me, and the fact that it was about my idol, John Carpenter, made it all the more special. In particular, the letter concerned Escape From LA, which was just released at the time. In the letter, I bemoaned how the film was identical to the first film in just about every way possible, yet it was STILL a fun movie (and remains Carpenter's last worthwhile film). Well, now it's 12 years later, and I could be writing the exact same letter for Neil Marshall's Doomsday.

Like LA, Doomsday is, for all intents and purposes, a remake of Escape From New York. A tough as nails anti-hero (who has a missing eye) is sent into a walled off city in order to locate someone, and is met with heavy resistance from the assorted survivors living inside. The character also has to fight in a gladiator deathmatch, repeatedly ask for cigarettes, and use a recording in order to bring down a high ranking official who is using less than admirable tactics to promote his career. Hell, Marshall even restages the "this is how the wall works" computer image sequence from Carpenter's film, followed by a shot of a guy walking up to and then looking over said wall. And even the fucking FONT is the same!!!

Luckily, Marshall isn't limited to "homaging" just Carpenter. Along the way, we are treated to chunks of Road Warrior, Aliens, Apocalypto (...wow), 28 Days Later, and I swear to Christ, a bit of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If there is a single scene in this movie that wasn't done in another film, I didn't catch it.

And yet, I wholeheartedly recommend it. It's fun as hell. If Carpenter can remake NY as a sequel, why can't Marshall remake it as an homage, along with a few of his other favorite movies? If NY is a bag of Doritos, Road Warrior is a bag of Cheet-Os, and Aliens is a bag of pretzels, then Doomsday is a bag of Munchies, offering equally delicious samples of all the items while not really being its own thing. And, I might add, that is the worst metaphor available on the internet.

Some might not consider it horror, but I think it qualifies (certainly moreso than the other Post-Apoc movies I've watched recently). The first few good guys that are killed are done so in a very horror-ish manner (axe to the head, throat slit, arrow to the throat...). This is a very gory movie, with guys getting run over, beheaded, etc. in every action scene (and there are a lot of those).

Another plus - as great as Kurt Russell is, there's just something more visually appealing in Rhona Mitra. She's ripping off Beckinsale from Underworld as much as she can, but it fits the rest of the film. The rest of the acting is fine, with Sean Pertwee in a small role and Bob Hoskins as Mitra's father figure as two highlights. Malcolm McDowell, in his second Carpenter remake in a row, narrates the backstory/exposition in the first 10 minutes of the film (if it was in text form it would be longer than the one in Alone In The Dark - I am not joking), but his actual character doesn't show up until the 3rd act, and he's sort of useless. Perhaps it was edited, but his character isn't even given a closure, which is kind of odd when the first hour of the film is all about finding him.

I would also like to point out Tyler Bates' top notch score. It's like a Carpenter score crossed with Bruckheimer-ish bombast, and I loved every minute of it. I hope it's released on CD. I also highly recommend seeing the film in a well designed theater with quality digital sound - the sound mix as a whole is the best I've heard all year. Let's hope Universal figures out how to make Blu-Ray DVDs by the time this hits home video (which sadly won't be too long, judging from the film's dismal performance this weekend).

However, fun is just that: fun. It's still a bit of a disappointment from Marshall, since his previous two films are among the best in their respective sub-genres. Hopefully this was just him having a bit of fun as well, and his next film lives up to his potential. Anyone can copy/paste great scenes/plot elements and make a fun movie out of it, but Marshall has shown he can do a LOT more.

What say you?

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Last Woman On Earth

MARCH 6, 2008

GENRE: POST-APOCALYPTIC
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK 2!!!)

If there’s one thing Roger Corman doesn’t usually skip on, it’s the horror. Plot, acting, sets, all that stuff is usually an after-thought, but there will ALWAYS be a monster, some gore, a few kills... except for Last Woman On Earth. The horror stems from there being only two men and one woman left in the world (note – the other way around could be the plot of a very different and vastly more exciting type of movie), but that’s it. I was expecting maybe an insane monkey man or maybe a fish monster would also survive the apocalypse, but nope.

So what happens in the movie? Uh... nothing. Our survivors have lived because they were underwater at the time the whole world lost oxygen (must have been a pretty slow day for the scuba diving industry). As the title reminds you, there’s only one woman left, but also two guys, so naturally they both fuck her, and then whale on each other (which results in the film’s only bloodshed – a cut on the loser’s face). Granted, this IS Corman, so I wasn’t expecting scenes like the one in The Stand when they go through the tunnel (the after effects of the end of the world are shown via one guy on the ground next to his car, and another car with a dead driver crashing gently into a curb some 5-6 hours after he should have died).

And again, even for Corman, this feels entirely too cheap. Other than those two guys I mentioned, and another random corpse later on, there is literally zero evidence that anything has occurred. The editing is also choppy as hell, and the three survivors barely ever seem really concerned that they are the only ones left. If the recent I Am Legend got anything right, it was this type of stuff – the isolation and just general creepiness associated with an empty world (and based on the vampire effects, I can only assume that film had as big a budget as Corman’s). This movie is more about the “let’s sit around and yell at each other” situations of an apocalypse.

That said, it’s not without its occasional charm. Robert Towne (from the other Corman quickie that this film was filmed back to back with, the similarly 'The'-less Creature From The Haunted Sea) demonstrates an utterly bizarre way of rinsing his eyes – dipping his fingers into a freshly poured glass of Scotch and rubbing his pupils with them. He also fights the other guy over, of all things, oxygen. “Leaves need oxygen!” he shouts, as he grabs the other guy’s shirt and shakes him violently back and forth. Man loves 3rd grade science. Towne’s script also contains a precious few moments of wit – love the bit about “1/3 of the human race.”

Also the broad’s pretty hot, so it’s perfectly understandable that both guys want to nail her, what with all the other women not only dead but totally vanished from the world.

At 71 minutes, it’s a harmless enough timekiller, but the utter lack of, well, HORROR, makes it pretty disappointing. Luckily, per my own made up rule #4 (“Any film classified as horror by the IMDb is eligible”), it’s enough to get me through another day. And since it’s been out for 48 years, I imagine Mill Creek won’t make me take down the review to exert their authority.

What say you?

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Return In Red

FEBRUARY 2, 2008

GENRE: INDEPENDENT, POST-APOCALYPTIC, TECHNOLOGY
SOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)

I wasn’t too kind to Ti West’s films The Roost and Trigger Man, two VERY independent productions that were far too slow and just plain uninteresting to me. I would hope those reviews (coupled with my admitted love of brain-dead action movies) wouldn’t lead anyone to believe I simply don’t like a movie that takes its time, because in reality, I am often quite compelled with this type of film. Such is the case with Return In Red, which is sort of an even MORE indie version of a film like The Signal.

Yes for the first twenty minutes or so (and several later chunks of time throughout the 101 minute film), the film is just comprised of small town folks just sort of doing their thing: fixing TV antennas, going to/from work, washing their hands, etcAnd even when folks begin going nuts/dying (due to a mysterious humming sound emanating from a white van that drives around the town), it won’t be mistaken for a Bruckheimer film; like West’s films, the violence comes suddenly and swiftly (at one point a guy died literally as I was saying “take your time, movie”). There’s really only one sort of horror setpiece in the entire film, as our heroine (by default) is besieged by the crazy folks inside a factory.

Those rare moments also include some unexpectedly top notch gore. Kudos to the team for pulling off the impressive effects on what couldn’t have been more than a few thousand dollars budget. On one occasion, a guy is repeatedly rammed with a forklift, until his head is partially severed. Good stuff.

Speaking of being impressed, this is the rare indie where you don’t see all of the same names in the cast as you do in the crew. In fact there are none other than the makeup guys playing (non-character) victims. The crew guys make the film, the actors act. Granted none of them are going to be up for a Spirit award, but then again they’re far from bad – the movie just doesn’t give them anything much to do. It’s an ensemble cast (hell, the guy that’s sort of the hero gets killed with a half hour to go), no one is more important than anyone else.

The end of the film is pretty chilling. SPOILERS – it’s never spelled out, but random radio voiceovers and the like suggest that the whole event was a government test. Indeed, the spots where the van was parked to play its sound are marked with orange flags, and the flags disappear at the end of the film. This idea is conveyed very subtly, and it freaked me out a little bit. Nice work.

There is also a bit of levity in the film. At one point an old man does an impression of the humming sound. Not only does it not sound like it at all, but he also flaps his arms around a bit as he “hums”. It’s hilarious. There’s also a guy who runs the factory (where half the town seems to be employed) who constantly swears for no reason. “Get back to work!” will not suffice for this guy, it’s “Get the FUCK back to work!” He pretty much works in an F-bomb in every one of his lines, and it delighted me every time.

On the technical side of things, the movie is disappointingly presented full frame, but the 16mm footage is quite good. The movie looks like it was shot in the 80s (if not for a modern Coke machine with 20 oz plastic bottles selling for 1.25, you’d be hard-pressed to find anything to date this movie past 1987 or so), which in hindsight was a great choice on director/writer’s Tyler Tharpe – even though his film predates those other stories, people tend to be stupid when it comes to such things, and it doesn’t help that the film, shot in 2004, just hit DVD in 2007, when the Stephen King novel Cell had been out for a while and The Signal had already gotten some buzz from festivals.

It won’t be for everyone, and I can’t even quite explain why I liked it more than those other films, but either way I think you should give it a shot if you happen upon it. It’s worth it for the old man’s little ‘moment’ alone.

What say you?

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I Am Legend (2007)

DECEMBER 14, 2007

GENRE: BASED ON NOVEL, POST-APOCALYPTIC, REMAKE, VAMPIRE
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (IMAX)

It’s sort of a lie to say I saw I Am Legend in IMAX, as it was pretty much a fake IMAX. The screen was about the right size, but the theater setup and sound system were identical to any stadium seated theater. The whole point of IMAX is to be engulfed in the film with a curved screen that you are close to and sound that comes at you from all sides. This was not the case. So if you are in the Hooksett, NH area, and are considering going to their IMAX screen for the experience, don’t. Make the extra drive down to Reading, MA.

It was sort of fitting for the film though. It had the right intent, but it was missing key ingredients. Like the book itself and Last Man On Earth, the first half hour or so is the best part. Watching Neville go about his regular routine in a sort of half survival, half fantasy scenario is always the highlight of this particular story. In this version, Neville is in New York, and the scenes of him navigating the empty city are truly effective (though the effect is a bit dulled after Devil’s Advocate and Vanilla Sky did the same thing to a degree). There are some great “future” sight gags in these scenes as well, and the idea of a guy literally watching every movie ever made (in alphabetical order no less) has obvious appeal to me.

But, like always, the 2nd half flounders. Why can’t anyone, even Richard Matheson himself, ever come up with a good way to wrap up this story? Deviating from the book (even moreso than Last Man) is fine, but only if they improve on things, which isn’t the case here. Surprisingly, the film contains far less action than you’d expect from the trailers and pedigree (Michael Bay himself was once attached to this film, and the first scene with Smith is probably leftover from his involvement), though that isn’t really the problem. And considering how awful the CG vampires look, the less of them we see, the better. No, the problem here is that the movie fails to give Neville a real antagonist like his neighbor Cortman in the book. Here, the “big bad” is simply a slightly better rendered CG zombie-vampire thing (“played” by Dash Mihok, who is a recognizable character actor I usually enjoy), and he is given very little to do. There is very little sense that the vampires fear him (making this film’s use of the book’s title, the first adaptation to do so, all the more puzzling), rendering (no pun intended!) them largely inconsequential. Neville’s own crumbling sanity seems a bigger threat than the vampires ever do, with the exception of one (terrific) sequence set in a pitch black building.

They also include some truly idiotic “spiritual” nonsense (spoiler alert!). Early on in the film, during one of the flashbacks (the movie scores a few points by splitting these flashbacks up, Lost-style, but loses a few of those points for focusing pretty much on one night/scene), Neville’s kid randomly says “Look at the butterfly!”. Later, Neville sees a butterfly tattoo on a fellow survivor, and realizes what he has to do to save humanity. So, yes, this film essentially rips off “Swing away, Merrill!” and manages to make it even dumber. Who knows which writer is to blame on this though, since the film has had so many false starts and different creative teams over the past 10 years. This results in what has to be a cinematic first (at least for a film based on a book), as we are given a “Based on a screenplay by” credit in addition to the story/screenplay credits (and, of course, Matheson for his novel). And that’s just the credited writers!!!

So while it was far from a bad film, it was really disheartening to watch as the film went from great to merely OK. Like 30 Days of Night, this has the potential to be one of the years’ best genre films (luckily, the PG-13 rating is of no real consequence in relation to the film’s flaws), but the lazy script prevented such a thing from happening. Still, I was entertained for the most part, thanks in part to the antics of my fellow moviegoers. Going to get a snack, I witnessed a man screaming and yelling about his pretzel, which resulted in a refund, and then the guy went back to his movie... which was Alvin and the Chipmunks. I didn’t think anything would top that, but then I saw a girl buy a soda and Sour Patch Kids, and then throw the soda into the trash without even as much as putting a straw into the lid. What the hell kind of person pays 4 dollars for a cup of colored water and then immediately throws it away?

My enjoyment was also aided by a 6 minute preview of The Dark Knight (aka Batman 2). We watch pretty much a whole scene, detailing a bank robbery orchestrated by the Joker, who is believed to be pulling the strings from an unknown location, and not the 5th robbery member whose face we never see. The scene also includes William Fichtner brandishing a shotgun and generally being awesome. Someone get this guy a starring role!!!

UPDATE – the movie made 80 million over the weekend, beating even Return of the King for a December opening. So who cares what I think?

What say you?

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Last Man On Earth

DECEMBER 7, 2007

GENRE: BASED ON NOVEL, POST-APOCALYPTIC, VAMPIRE
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK 2!!!)

What with I Am Legend hitting theaters next week, I thought I’d give a look at Last Man On Earth, the first adaptation of Richard Matheson’s novel. Also, like 90 readers suggested I watch it. I had always heard bad things about it, so I wasn’t exactly dying to see it, but as it turns out, it’s not all that bad.

However, it’s hard for me to buy Price as a hero. He just sounds too damn sinister. Later in the film, when he finds a fellow survivor, who can blame the poor broad for not wanting to trust him? He makes “I’m not going to hurt you!” sounds like the most threatening thing ever said. I wouldn’t trust him either. Maybe his grandson Jody, but not him.

The movie also offers a fake Peter Cushing.

Also, and it’s been a while since I’ve read the book so I can’t remember if it was the same, but I think it would work better if the flashbacks were separated and delivered in smaller chunks, Lost-style, rather than stopping the movie cold for a half an hour to explain away everything at once. This prevents any vampire action from occurring for far too long a time. Still, the flashback sequence does offer Price saying, quite matter of factly “Maybe it was because I was bitten by a bat...” (in response to his seeming immunity). Apparently, he was the only one ever bitten? But the way he says it is so hilarious (he might as well be saying “Maybe I should have roast for dinner.”), it buys the film another 10 minutes of momentum.

Also, the transfer is pretty ridic. Apparently it was taken from a TV airing. So the film’s 2.35:1 image is cropped, but the film is also windowboxed! And making things worse, the opening credits are either cropped out:

Or the image is stretched vertically so that they wouldn’t be cropped:

Christ. I might have to buy the regular DVD (there’s a new edition with a cover that ape the remake) just so I can watch the movie respectfully. They might as well have shot it with a camera during a screening.

I still haven’t seen Omega Man, though I understand it’s the least faithful of the three. Not that I really care. If you want the book, read the book.

What say you?

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Virus (1980)

NOVEMBER 14, 2007

GENRE: POST-APOCALYPTIC
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK!!!)

Well, I think it’s safe to say that I will never stretch the term “Horror” as much as I did for today’s movie, Virus (like everything else in existence, do not confuse it for the 1998 Jamie Lee Curtis movie set on a boat haunted by robotic spiders). While it certainly SOUNDS horror-y, in reality, other than the somewhat scary notion of the end of the world, this isn’t a horror movie at all. No, it’s more a sci-fi version of Fail Safe or something, with most of the film played out in rooms with lots and lots of cranky old men.

That said, it’s actually a pretty decent movie. We follow the stories of several different groups of characters, many of them played by old school genre faves like George Kennedy and Robert Vaughn. Hell, even Sonny Chiba shows up. True, they are mostly just standing around talking while the unknown/minor stars do all the action stuff, but hey, what are you gonna do?

What was surprising about the film was how much of a downer it is. President Pa Kent and his staff die like 20 min into the movie, and by the end just about everything and everyone else is dead too, giving the film TWO armageddons, so to speak. Also, it’s amazing what stats are given for the survivors: “855 men, and 8 women.” Of course, for the women, this means an incredibly varied selection from whom they can begin repopulating the world, but for the guys – that’s fucking HARSH.

Messiest Oval Office ever.

Apparently, close to 50 min of the film has been removed for this version, most of it dealing with Japan. I would like to see the whole version of the film, not to mention in widescreen format, since the pan and scan job was atrocious at times (see below).

It’s far from a great film, but it’s certainly one of the more professional films in the set. Also, it’s pretty eerie that, in a montage of major cities and their death tolls (displayed onscreen with the lamest titles I’ve ever seen in a film), New York’s number is shown in a shot that begins with a closeup of the World Trade Center.

Favorite line of dialogue: “You gave me a goddamn PLACEBO?!?!?”, yelled by one of the film’s many crusty old guys. Man, I really am gonna miss the Chilling Classics set.

What say you?

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Tooth & Nail

NOVEMBER 10, 2007

GENRE: CANNIBAL, POST-APOCALYPTIC, SURVIVAL
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REGULAR SCREENING)

IT HAS BEGUN!

Yes, another “8 Films To Die For” collection is upon us, and like last year, I managed to make it out for one of the films (hey, this site doesn’t make me a red cent, I try to limit how much it COSTS ME to keep it going!). Luckily, my choice, Tooth & Nail, was far better than the one film I saw in theaters last time around (do I really need to mention it by name, again?), though still far from very good.

The key problem with this film is how blatantly obvious the twist is. Let’s see, one of the good guys is killed by an unseen killer, even though the bad guys are a loud, unstealthy and cartoonish lot. Also, their apparent leader (Michael Madsen, once again introduced via a shot of his feet) is killed shortly after he appears. And since it’s obvious Vinnie Jones shot all of his scenes on a break from whatever Guy Ritchie movie he was filming, who will be the “big bad?” And gee, how did this quiet non-threatening blond chick (Rachel Miner, from the not as bad as I expected Penny Dreadful) manage to escape these bloodthirsty cannibals so easily? OHHhhhh......

Also, all of these people have really stupid names, most of them American car models: Neon, Viper, Nova, etc. Why, I dunno. Maybe its a Postman reference. Luckily, otherwise the film doesn't resemble that film at all. Which brings me to my biggest compliment I can give to the film – for once, though it was probably a budgetary limit and not an artistic choice, the post-apocalyptic future looks like it should: the same as it does now. I never got why, in all these “30 years from now, our world fell to shit” movies, that the engineers and designers around the world decided to completely overhaul our transportation and industrial centers, OR (as in Postman), somehow find a way to make the entire world look like a desert. Is putting an elevated subway and designing loud and garish skyscrapers really their solution to combat annihilation? No, in Tooth, the buildings and everything look like they do now, just a bit more rundown and of course, empty. Nice work.

However, they still raided the Mad Max museum when it came to designing the cannibals; even though the good guys wear standard sweaters and jeans, the bad guys took the time to design outlandish metal and leather costumes. Maybe designing them takes their mind off of being so hungry. Also, their motives are a bit unclear – they claim that they are simply hungry, but if that is the case, why do they go to all the trouble hunting their prey? Wouldn’t it be easier to wear some khakis and a polo shirt, walk up to a guy, shoot him and then eat him as you see fit? Oh well, who am I to judge Michael Madsen (who also executive produced)?

The cast is pretty recognizable, which is nice. In addition to Madsen, Miner, and Jones, we got Robert Carradine (as a professor, lol), Rider Strong (who has an odd tendency to delay his responses to other characters), and the guy who played CJ in Dawn 04, playing, well, another asshole who becomes a hero. Also, there’s a guy in the movie who looks EXACTLY like Richard Tyson, but it’s not him. Which bummed me out.

So there it is; the first of what will probably be another half dozen or so ho-hum and forgettable, if not exactly BAD, group of films, plus one good one (my money's on Mulberry St) and one god awful piece of shit.

What say you?

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Right At Your Door (2007)

JULY 19, 2007

GENRE: PSYCHOLOGICAL
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (PRESS SCREENING)

Four in a row! Woooo!!

Unfortunately Right At Your Door isn’t REALLY a horror movie, at least not in the traditional sense (despite the press notes doing their best to make us think otherwise, stating the film was rated R for strong gory violence throughout, language, nudity, and drug use – only ONE of those things was true and you can probably guess which one). However, if actually scaring the audience was the only requisite for a horror film, this movie would be the most qualifying of all the 160 or so Horror Movie A Day entries thus far.

The plot is simple: dirty bombs are set off around LA, and carry with them an airborne chemical of unknown origin. All we know: it’s bad. Rory Cochrane and Mary McCormack (!!) are a married couple named Brad and Lexi who just moved to the area. As the bombs go off, she is outside, he is inside. Taking the advice of the radio and a random handyman who essentially breaks into his home, they seal all windows and doors to keep the gas from getting in, assuming that Lexi is safe somewhere.

Well, if she was, the movie would be pretty boring. Instead, she shows up, coughing and covered in the chemical dust. Brad doesn’t let her in. The rest of the film is about the rising paranoia, the very real possibility that she may die waiting for help, etc. It could almost be a play.

It’s a great film, and terrifying as hell. The film proposes that since the bombs were set off in LA proper (LAX, Beverly Hills, and downtown), the Valley would be safe due to the mountains surrounding it, and thus everyone flees to the area to stay safe. And as a Valley resident, trust me, there is nothing more terrifying than the prospect of swarms of hipster and art douchebags from Echo Park invading my street. The bombs and terrorists would be the least of my concerns.

It’s also shot on the increasingly rare format of 16mm. When blown up to 35, this particular film stock looks amazing, and I wish more directors would take advantage of it. A film like 28 Days Later (poorly shot with digital video) would have benefited immensely from the look it provides. This is, of course, meaningless to folks who don't give a shit (or even notice) how a film was filmed, but that's the kind of gal I am.

The film also contains what may be my favorite line of dialog in a movie since “Her Adam’s Apple was as big as her balls.” (40 Year Old Virgin). Cochrane and McCormack are sitting on the floor, separated by a giant sheet of plastic that is secured with an entire roll of duct tape. And suddenly, McCormack goes “I thought you said duct tape was stupid.” I would actually self-finance a prequel that details the situation in which someone would actually express specific disdain for duct tape. What the fuck could possibly happen to a guy to make him hate the world’s leading source of industrial strength adhesive? Amazing.

The film comes out in August, probably in limited release, so if you can, I urge you to check it out. Tell em I sent you. It won’t matter at all, but maybe they’ll get confused and you can sneak in some outside food.

What say you?

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