X-Cross (2007)

JUNE 25, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, CULT, SURVIVAL
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (FESTIVAL SCREENING)

When I was putting together the “quote banner” for the site, I came across a guy who liked Horror Movie A Day, but that it lost points because I “dislike Asian horror”. This was written a year or so ago, when I had very few Asian films reviewed here, and yes, most of them negative. But I hope that guy is still reading, because I have given several high marks to Eastern fare since, and X-Cross (aka XX (Ekusu Kurosu): Makyô Densetsu) certainly continues that trend – it’s actually one of my favorite movies of the year.

The setup is what really makes the film. It’s like Saw III and IV combined, in that the first part of the film shows you one character’s journey through an event, and then the 2nd part shows the other girl’s adventures. And each part has its own horror sub-genre feel – the first is a suspenseful girl in the woods type thing, and the 2nd is a one on one battle between a girl and a romantic rival who has gone insane and taken to running around dressed up in a costume and wielding giant scissors. But then the 3rd part is where the movie truly takes off, as the girls reunited and face their enemies together, culminating in a huge bloodbath via a batshit insane 4 way fight.

And that’s what makes the film work so well. We start off with suspense (suspense that actually works for that matter), then go into some light survival/”torture” elements, and finally just the gonzo type of stuff that director Kenta Fukasaku is known for (he did Battle Royale 2, for example). It works much better than you might think, and the way the film keeps elevating is admirable to say the least.

Plus I always like those sort of ‘two sides to a story’ movie setups. You see a broken light swinging around in one story, and the second story explains how it got that way. It’s not an easy thing to pull off – you run the risk of making the first part of the story incomprehensible because there is too many pieces that won’t be filled in until the next part, but Fukasaku and screenwriter Tetsuya Oishi do a good job of providing a lot of these type of “ohhhh.... that’s how that happened” moments without sacrificing story coherence.

Sadly, no US release is planned for this one yet, though since it’s been released in Japan and other countries, perhaps those among you who know their way around a region free DVD player can figure out how to get their hands on a copy. And then tell me how, because I can’t make heads or tails of that stuff.

Note - you may notice my review is rather vague compared to usual. That's because I think the movie is best when you go in totally blind, as I did. But because I like to serve, here is the (too long) trailer for the movie nonetheless. Watch at your own risk (of not enjoying the movie as much as me)!

What say you?

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Asian, Based On Novel, Cult, Fix, Survival,

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Monster From A Prehistoric Planet (1967)

JUNE 12, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, MONSTER
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK 2!!!)

I have never seen any of the old Godzilla movies, or Gamera, or Gorgo, ... I dunno, Googleo. But thanks to my Horror Classics set, I HAVE seen Gappa, or as it’s sadly known instead, Monster From A Prehistoric Planet (aka Daikyojû Gappa - close enough!), which I assume is pretty much the same: A guy in a suit destroying models, lots of pleasant Asian guys coming up with plans to stop them, a life lesson about mankind’s often false sense of superiority... all that good stuff is here.

It’s also, as far as I can recall, the only color film in the entire Horror Classics set, which is nice. It’s been so long since I have watched anything from the (mostly color) Chilling Classics set that I had forgotten what old, scratched, poorly transferred VHS color looked like. However, there is one thing I don’t miss, and this blatantly obvious cropped imagery:

However, Iwao Yamaz’s reenplay is an entertaining one, with a good amount of destruction, and thus many a model knocked over. I wish he had come up with the idea of having the two monsters (who are seeking their stolen baby monster) maybe split up to cover more ground, rather than constantly staying side by side and destroying the same buildings at the same time (must have inspired the game Rampage), but that’s OK. I also wish he had explained the monster’s power, which is some sort of blue light that emanates from their mouth, which causes toy airplanes to explode into 4 or 5 pieces.

(Note – I love that rather than risk continuity errors, the filmmakers use toys whether the monsters are in the shot or not).

And come on, how can you not be entertained by a monster that looks like this:

Now, as I am not familiar with the others – when there are multiple monsters, they kill off at least one of them, right? We have 3 here, I was assuming that at least one would take a nuke up the ass or something, but no, the happy ending sees the monster family taking off together, all but cheered on by the human beings the monsters were stepping on just moments earlier.

Also, the monsters sound like jets for some reason. Just wanted to point that out.

What say you?

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Asian, Horror Classics, Monster,

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Crocodile (1981)

JUNE 10, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, MONSTER
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

Longtime readers (or new readers who went back and read all the old reviews) know how much I love the New Beverly Cinema, particularly the “grindhouse” nights (now twice a month!) hosted by Eric Caidin and Brian Quinn. For those uninitiated among you, this is simply a pair of older films (usually 70s or early 80s) that have a ‘drive-in’ appeal, are often cheaply made, terribly written/acted, etc. Of course, some actual classy productions are snuck in as well (they are the ones behind the annual screening of Black Christmas, for example), but the real joy comes from movies like Crocodile (aka Chorake), which are so inept and hilariously cheap that nearly even minute of the film provides at least one laugh out loud moment.

The other day I slammed a movie called Sight for its poor editing – well I take it back (somewhat), because THIS movie should win some sort of award for its baffling editing style. Scenes often include cutaways to things which are seemingly not part of the scene (my favorite: they suddenly cut to a drink on a table on some sort of patio, zoom out to reveal several tables, and then the scene - which takes place inside - resumes), scenes that are noticeably out of place in the narrative, ridiculous attempts to cut real footage of a croc with their animatronic/rubber/whatever the hell it was creation. Of course, this may be largely due to the fact that the film was a re-edit of another film called Agowa Gongpo, from 1978. I cannot find enough information to discern what was different/added. And I'm not sure I want to know, because I think that would ruin the sheer joy of the incomprehensible editing.

And the attack scenes are even worse (and thus, better). There are a few, and they are all pretty much the same (the fact that some shots are obviously recycled doesn’t help hide this fact): the real croc walks through a hilariously off-scale model of a village, dozens of Thai extras begin to scream, we see footage of a thunderstorm and what looks like those “whirlpools” you make with two Pepsi bottles, the croc blinks, then the extras fall into the water as red juice flows around them. Occasionally the croc’s tail will set off an explosion and knock out a few more buildings, which cause the instant diving into the water and subsequent eating of a few more villagers, and then we cut to Thailand’s sole hospital (and their sole paramedic team) bringing a body to the hospital. So it's like half Jaws, half Godzilla (the croc's always inconsistent size is another source of hilarity).

At least those scenes offer some on-camera carnage. The film’s alleged hero gets drawn into the plot when his family is presumably killed by the crocodile, but we don’t really see this. Without any sort of setup, his sister goes into the water and sees his kid’s floating tube, but no kid. She screams and then mimes being pulled under the water, at which point the guy’s wife runs into the water and the entire process repeats again. During this entire sequence we are never even given the usual shot of the crocodile’s eye blinking (or his suped up red eyes that appear in a few choice scenes) that is often used in place of any actual onscreen violence. It’s sort of like the opening scene of Jaws, except without even an underwater POV shot to help us out. Anyway, they’re all dead, and thus he does what any man would in that situation: reads some newspapers, looks at a map he drew himself, conducts some sort of experiment that involves brightly colored fluids being mixed together, and finally assembles a team that includes his buddy and a Quint wannabe with a penchant for taking off his shirt, and heads out to the open sea to exact revenge. They are inexplicably joined by a guy who just climbs on their boat and begins taking photos, and before long the croc is carrying out a personal vendetta against them.

And it succeeds! Evearyone dies. It’s fucking amazing. They take the croc with it, but it’s nothing short of awe-inspiring to watch the film’s final minute, which is a still shot of their wrecked boat sinking, a few pieces of debris, and the water returning to its usual flow after being disrupted by the explosion that took everything out. No Hooper and Brody-style swimming back to shore, no final one-liner, nothing. Just the ocean, silent and devoid of human survivors. Poetic, in a bad Thai Jaws knockoff sort of way.

I cannot recommend this movie enough.

What say you?

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Asian, Monster,

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Sick Nurses (2007)

MAY 23, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, GHOST, POSSESSION
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

If there’s one thing you don’t often see in Asian horror films, it’s the characters goofing off with one another. Everyone’s ususally so dour and serious, so it was almost strange to see a few of the titular Sick Nurses (aka Suay Laak Sai) do things like, well, smile. They tease one another, make faces, etc... just like regular girls! Of course, it’s not long before they are all crying and being terrorized by long black hair (it IS an Asian horror film, after all), but while it lasted, it was definitely appreciated.

One “back to back” movie coincidence I never thought I’d encounter is “Lazy subtitles”, but that is exactly what I got on Nurses, much like yesterday’s Frontière(s). It wasn’t nearly as bad; basically, they just didn’t bother with the titles that (I assume) denoted the time in which the scene took place (like “yesterday” or whatever). But since the movie was told with a lot of flashbacks, it got a bit more confusing than it would have been had the subtitler just paid the fuck attention.

On the subject of language, I should note that there is actually an English dub on the disc, something that is increasingly rare, especially with Asian films. Not that I have any use for it, but if you are the type who doesn’t like to read your horror movies, you can still feel free to check this one out! However, you run the risk of missing out on one of the film’s best small pleasures. Two of the girls are named Ae and Am. When pronounced by the real actresses, they sound like “Eh?” and “Um.” So you have scenes of a girl going “Eh? Eh? Eh?”. Definitely a chuckler.

The plot is fairly straightforward – a girl who was wrongly killed comes back to seek revenge. Nothing new. But director/writers Thospol Sirivivat and Piraphan Laoyont bring out the originality when it comes to the execution. Rather than the usual stuff, the ghost actually possesses the girls one by one and has them kill themselves or one another. They also toss in some Italian style non-logic; one girl is killed when another one removes the simple stitching that is keeping her head attached. She’s perfectly fine, but then the stitching comes out, and the head just falls off. Uh, bones and veins? And in the movie’s best kill, a girl devours a fistful of razor blades, which results in her jaw being completely severed. Awesome, but then one of those jar-based fetuses flies out of its bottle and lodges itself in what’s left of her mouth. Huh?

There’s also a transvestite.

It seems at time that the film is showing us someone’s imagination, or perhaps even just an exaggeration of something that occurred. The amount of blood would certainly suggest as much. Granted, it’s hardly a very serious film, but the kill scenes don’t seem to be played for laughs either. How else would one explain a scene where a group of hospital personnel sing a song about compassion while they are being drenched with blood? A little more clarification would have been appreciated, especially since the film is abnormally short (82 minutes) for an Asian film. These things always clock in at 100 or so.

The DVD has a very brief making of that is mainly just a few of the girls talking about their roles. Entirely skippable, except for when the girl involved in the aforementioned jaw scene says “When I eat the baby...”. It’s the only extra, but since distributor Magnolia gave us a wealth of stuff on The Host, it’s easily forgivable.

Anyway, I liked it. It was short, fun, and far gorier than most Eastern fare about vengeful ghosts. The fragmented storytelling isn’t without a few problems (without spoiling anything, there is a seemingly huge plot hole regarding the transvestite character), but for the most part it works. And bonus – the ghost never once uses entertainment technology to kill someone.

What say you?

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Asian, Ghost, Possession,

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Audition (1999)

APRIL 19, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, WEIRD
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

Since I believe the day I was born, people have been telling me to watch Audition (aka Ôdishon), saying "You'll love it!", "It's the most fucked up movie ever!" and things along those lines. What no one DID tell me is that it is in fact an incredibly boring movie, one that's not very well-filmed to boot, with all of the horror confined to a 10 minute chunk near the end of the film (save for a random shot of a bag throwing itself across the room about halfway through).

Afterwards I was told that that was the point of the movie - to lull you into boredom so that the torture stuff was all the more shocking and hard to watch. Well, fine, but that's not a movie. That's an exercise. Maybe it would work in 1999, on an audience who didn't even know it was a horror movie, but a movie that can only work under very specific circumstances isn't something I can particularly recommend, even if I HAD watched it under said circumstances. You know, Memento hinges on a gimmick as well, but it's still a well-crafted, highly enjoyable film to watch a 2nd or 3rd time.

And this isn't a complaint, but more of a warning to anyone who hasn't seen it yet and feels compelled to do so after reading this review: the torture really ain't all that disturbing. She cuts off his foot and sticks a few needles in his body (and eyes - the most cringe-worthy part of the entire sequence is when she "flicks" the needles protruding from his ocular region), and that's about it. Her frequent repeating of "Kittykittykitty" (misspelled Japanese for "Deeper, deeper") is more chilling than anything she's actually doing, and a decade later, it's almost kind of funny that the film had to be cut for an R rating; the stuff in the R-rated Saw films is far more graphic and disturbing. So if you're looking to be TRULY disturbed, you probably won't find it here if you've kept up with your modern "torture porn".

One thing I did like is how they filled in back-story via a hallucination that the main guy suffers as he is passing out from a drugged drink. It's one of those "is this real or completely imagined" type sequences, and it's probably the highlight of the film. More stuff like that and the film would have been great, but since it's more or less an experimental piece, it would nullify his attempt.

I'm glad the movie has its fans, and I do wish I could go back and watch it completely un-prepared for what I was about to see. But I can't say that even then I'd be particularly amazed by it, because intentional or not, the fact remains that 95% of the movie is lifeless and dull (and since it's not in English, I don't even have the option of "just listening" to it while I work on a Sudoku or something). I didn't see Psycho until the mid 90s; I didn't see Exorcist until 2000 (thankfully, it was the original version, not the 2000 "Version You Wish You Never Saw" or whatever the fuck it was called), etc., and I was still able to enjoy those films immensely, despite the "outdated" feel of certain sequences and the fact that I had already seen the dozens of movies that ripped those films off in subsequent years. And in Psycho's case, the comparison is incredibly apt, as the big "thrill" of that film for a first time audience was seeing its heroine killed 1/3 of the way through - something I already knew! But it still worked, because the performances, the technical aspects, the story, etc. were almost or just as compelling. That's how you do it!

I've only seen one other Miike film - his Masters of Horror (Imprint), which I really liked, due to Billy Drago's insane performance, the truly upsetting imagery (fetuses + river = ew), and the fact that it was half as long as Audition. Knowing that, which of his movies would you, dear reader, think I might enjoy? I assume not all of his films are the equivalent of an inverse pop quiz.

What say you?

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Asian, Weird,

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Black House (2007)

APRIL 16, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, REVENGE
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

One of the, I dunno, four good things about doing Horror Movie A Day is since I occasionally get movies to review without asking for them, I have a completely blank slate with which to watch it. Such is the case with Black House (aka Geomeun Jip), which I had never heard of, didn’t know the plot, not even what kind of horror movie it was. The cover suggested some sort of Saw/Texas Chainsaw type film, and the tagline just suggests complete crap ("The Address Where DEATH Lives"), but that was (thankfully) not the case.

Since it’s new, I won’t spoil anything, other than to say that it’s about an insurance investigator unknowingly getting into some disturbing shit. If I had I known the twist that occurs halfway through, the film probably wouldn’t have been as enjoyable. Not that it’s terrible surprising, but the film is carefully constructed, constantly building on what you know (or think you know). It’s also well paced, and for a change, fairly short for an Asian film (100 minutes, as opposed to the usual “thisclose to two hours” ones I usually watch). In fact, it could even be a bit longer; the deleted scenes are almost all worthwhile and could only be cut from the film for length (there is no commentary or any sort of marker that explains where the scenes would be in the film, though it’s not too difficult to figure out for the most part). There’s a subplot about a crowded elevator that perfectly encapsulates the lead’s attitude at the beginning of the film vs. what he is like at the end.

And it makes total sense! At no point during the entire film did I go “What the FUCK is going on!?”, or have to consult the IMDb synopsis to understand what I was seeing; truly a unique experience for an Asian horror film. On that note, I do suggest paying close attention to the names of supporting characters when they are introduced, as they are mentioned more often than they are shown, especially in the film’s final act.

It’s also nice to see a more rural area in one of these movies. A lot of them take place in urban locales, but the titular house seems to be in Korea’s version of northern Maine. And the hero isn’t a woman, also fairly rare. He’s a guy named Juno (though he's not pregnant, and there's a good reason for him not speaking simple English), and he’s sort of like the guy in 13 Games Of Death, a mild-mannered office drone who gets in way over his head just trying to do the right thing. The actor, Hwang Jung-Min, is quite good, as is the beautiful Yu Sun as the woman he attempts to help.

Music, also good. Direction, quite good (I loved the long shots in the final rooftop battle – as opposed to American horror movies in which the camera is seemingly just thrown onto the actors as they fight, resulting in a completely confusing scene). So do I have anything bad to say? Not really. There seems to be a translation error when it comes to discussing how much the insurance policies are worth – the child who dies at the beginning of the film is supposedly worth 30 million??? Normally it wouldn’t be a problem, but it is here (to explain why would be spoiler-ish – let’s just say that the person receiving the money almost instantly needs more, which is ridiculous. Even I couldn’t blow 30 mil in 2 days).

Also, there’s a scene where the hero needs to be told what a psychopath is. “Ever heard of psychopaths?” a cop asks him, and he’s like “nope.” Now, maybe Koreans are just less nuts than we batshit Americans, but it still seems a bit odd that a grown man would be completely baffled as to what a psycho was. It’s just an excuse to lay the groundwork for something that will be important later, so I wish they could have come up with something a bit less silly.

All in all, a solid thriller that proves that the Asian horror world is not all ghosts inside your electronics (the irony being that movies like this are far better than the Ju-Ons and Ringus that are primarily associated with the Eastern genre output. Sigh). It’s based on a book, I plan to get it if it has been translated into English. If not, I will get the audiobook. Those have subtitles, right?

What say you?

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Asian, Based On Novel, Revenge,

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13: Games Of Death (2006)

APRIL 3, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, COMIC BOOK, THRILLER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

The central concept of 13: Games Of Death (aka 13 Game Sayawng) is a fantastic one (a guy is unwittingly placed in a game show that has him carry out thirteen tasks for an increasing amount of money; if he loses one or quits he gets absolutely nothing). It's a fantastic "what would I do if this happened to me?" concept (a sentiment shared by HMAD reader Chris, who recommended I watch it). But there are a couple big problems that keep it from being a fantastic movie as well, and instead it’s just “pretty good”.

One such problem is the length. It’s just shy of two hours, but the film tries to wring suspense out of whether or not he will do a task as they get more and more morally questionable. We know damn well he will get to the final task, so don’t delay us getting there! Luckily, two or three of the tasks are sort of glossed over (number 12 is one, and it seems to be backtracking: after having him unknowingly wipe out an entire group of bike riders, 12 is apparently “Eat some cow intestine”?) which keeps the film from being OVER two hours, but still, maybe just weeding it down to ten tasks would have helped.

Another problem is a plot hole that is impossible to ignore. He is playing this game and everyone around him seems baffled by his actions. But the game seems to be quite popular as well. Wouldn’t some of these folks know that he was playing? And with all of the cameras around, wouldn’t THOSE be noticeable by the bystanders (not to mention the police who just assume he’s a criminal)? It’d be like trying to sell Truman Show without putting his entire world in a dome first.

Still, it’s an engaging thriller, and the lead guy (Krissada Terrence) is an unconventional hero, which is a nice plus. The movie does a good job of establishing his desperation (financial and personal) rather quickly, so that when he begins the game, we can easily buy that he will go along with it, despite the fact that we don’t really know TOO much about him. There’s also a fantastic (if never quite explained) opening scene with a kid, an old lady in the road, and a bus. You do the math! And the aforementioned bike rider scene rivals the opening of Ghost Ship in sheer “Holy fuck!”ity.

This is based on a comic book I have never heard of, and some of the later developments in the film (particularly the “reveal” of the villain) probably work a lot better in a fleshed out comic than in a film. If it’s in English maybe I’ll check it out. Speaking of, I watched some of the movie in English because reading subs puts me to sleep and I was already a bit tired. The dubbing was strange – in an attempt to match the mouths of the real actors, the dubbers speak in. An. Oddly stilt. Ed man. Ner, rather than try to sound natural. It’s kind of amusing, but after a few minutes I promptly switched it back to the Thai language. And dozed off for a few minutes.

This one comes courtesy of Dimension Extreme, which, after a VERY bad start (Buried Alive and Broken... Christ.) has become a fairly and surprisingly dependable source of good movies (with the best, Inside, yet to come!). It’s kind of ironic that the studio once synonymous with horrible, “filmmaking by committee” garbage has become one of the few bright spots for modern horror releases. Then again, it should be noted that not a single one of these films were made under the watchful knife, er, eye, of the Weinstein brothers.

Also I should note that the horror elements are rather light, and one should CERTAINLY not pay any attention to the blurb on the back written by some broad from Hollywood Reporter who boasts about it being a "Supernatural thriller!". There is absolutely NOTHING supernatural in this film at all. Moron.

What say you?

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Asian, Comic Book, Thriller,

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Nightmare Detective (2006)

MARCH 8, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, SERIAL KILLER
SOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)

If there’s one thing I hate about movies with dream sequences, it’s that the dreams are always designed to try to be passed off as real, so that it’s a surprise when they wake up. But if you think about it, this means that the people are having the most mundane fucking dreams in human history. When I dream, absolutely nothing about it makes any logical sense, which is kind of the appeal of dreams. So it’s nice to see a movie like Nightmare Detective (aka Akumu Tantei), because they are not crippled by this filmmaking cliché, and thus the dream sequences actually resemble real dreams.

For example, one guy is killed in a room that is jampacked with bicycles. There’s at least a thousand of the damn things all around him, piled together. THAT’S a dream image! And then he’s killed by a lightning quick monster straight out of Clive Barker’s Tortured Souls toy line.

That kill is one of the many gore/makeup highlights in the film, all of which are highly impressive and more than make up for the fact that the movie doesn’t make a lick of sense, even by J-horror standards. Couldn’t tell you what was going on at any point during the last half hour, but I was still highly entertained and impressed by the technical side of things.

My only complaint is that director Shinya Tsukamoto films everything tight. This is fine for the most part, but some scenes it makes it impossible to tell what is going on. There’s a scene in the climax where the title character saves the heroine, and I haven’t the slightest clue where he even came from! I also can’t tell what exactly he is doing to help. Zoom out, brother Tsukamoto!

Speaking of the “title character”, I’m surprised how little he is in the film during the first half. Most of the time we are with Keiko (the beautiful Hitomi). She’s kind of interesting, but not as much as a guy who can enter nightmares (he doesn’t really do any detective work either, but that’s OK). Hopefully in the sequel (which is already complete) he takes more of a central role throughout the film, not just the climax (incidentally, earlier today I watched Dr. No, aka the first Bond film, in which the character of Dr. No only shows up in the final 20 minutes).

I also got a few laughs during the film. The opening seems to be making fun of other J-horror movies (a guy has a nightmare about long black/wet hair, and it is dismissed), and there’s a scene where the Detective attempts to enter a dream by doing this sort of hypnotic suggestion thing. “There’s a polar bear on a bridge, eating a bowl of grasshoppers,” he says to the sleeping guy. He then adds: “It’s annoying.” Hahahaha. I dunno, I think if I saw a polar bear eating a bowl of ANYTHING on a bridge, annoyance wouldn’t be my first feeling. I’d probably just make Lost references (and thus annoy everyone around me).

Like just about all Asian horror films, it’s about 10 minutes too long (seriously guys, do you have some sort of phobia for 95-ish minute running times?), but it’s quite visually stunning and pretty original. Definitely recommended.

What say you?

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Asian, Serial Killer,

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Shutter (2004)

JANUARY 26, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, GHOST

SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

Does the Asian world make any horror movies about vampires, werewolves, devil worshipping cults, killer dolls, etc? Other than Bloody Reunion and the occasional monster movie (The Host!), it seems every one of the Asian horror films I see -all of which are recommendations, including this one (by HMAD reader Secret Raconteur), and NOT based primarily on the fact that they seemingly all have American remakes - are about vengeful ghosts using some sort of ordinary device to haunt their victims. Shutter of course fits right in, what with a ghost appearing in some guy’s photographs and driving his pals to suicide. Come on guys, cars breaking down in the vicinity of cannibalistic rednecks must be a global problem.

This one’s got a couple of things going for it. One, it’s short, clocking in at 90 minutes or so (most of them hover near 2 hrs). Also, the story isn’t quite as fragmented as Ju-On or whatever; relatively speaking, it’s actually pretty logical and doesn’t leave you entirely clueless for an hour and then suddenly give you 10 straight minutes of exposition. So that’s a plus.

However, there are still a few issues. One is that the hero is not just flawed, he’s a downright asshole. You can extend the sympathy branch only so far, but this guy goes beyond that point, and simply making him slightly less of an asshole than his friends doesn’t quite cut it. Also, the movie is kicked off when him and his new girlfriend run over a woman in the street (thus beginning his assholity, as he demands they leave without helping her). Now, in typical Asian horror fashion, this means her ghost will be the one stalking him. Fine, but then we discover that she was his ex-girlfriend, and she’s not seeking revenge for being run over, but instead for something even worse that he did a year or so ago. Come on now. Not counting pranks gone wrong, how often do you know the person you accidentally run over and leave for dead? 67 out of 68 times it will be a total stranger.

Still, it delivers all the usual scares (ghost appears in the background, hero spins, she’s gone; an image of the ghost in a photo seemingly comes to life, etc.) so it follows the template closely enough to give the film enough merit (and by merit I mean, the remake is due this year). These movies are a dime a dozen, but if you haven’t seen any of the others this one is no better or worse a place to start.

Odd for a Tartan release, the extras are fairly slim. A few making of segments reveal what a dangerous production this was (every single one of them ends with the directors revealing how someone almost or easily could have died while trying to get the shot), and an interview. No deleteds or commentary. As generic as the movies themselves are, the extras on these are usually pretty fascinating, as our Eastern filmmakers are usually much more honest and direct than their ass-kissing American counterparts.

What say you?

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Asian, Ghost,

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Silk

JANUARY 13, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, GHOST
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

Now that I’ve seen more than just a couple clunkers, I am starting to appreciate Asian horror a bit more. I don’t find them as particularly terrifying as I am told they are, but the past few I have watched have been engaging and, more importantly, made fucking sense. Silk (aka Guisi) is another that uses storytelling logic, and it is appreciated. In fact, this may be one of the most accessible J-horror films I have seen yet, especially of the ones dealing with, once again, vengeful ghosts.

This one sort of plays out like a Michael Crichton movie for a while. We have a team of scientists trying to solve some science-y problem, in this case anti-gravity, only all hell breaks loose. The horror elements are actually fairly light until the final 20 minutes or so, as most of the movie is devoted to explaining what they are trying to do and one of them following the little ghost kid around trying to solve his mystery (which, unsurprisingly, involves the usual untraditional burial). I liked this approach; since I don’t find the notion of a little Asian kid making weird sounds to be very scary, a film that uses this device every 5 minutes ends up annoying me. By sticking to the story and saving the scares for when they logically made sense, I ended up being more unsettled by the developments.

For the most part, the movie makes conventional sense, but some things were left a bit confusing. For example, the lead of the film is a cop who the scientists bring in because he can see “faster” than most people. But they all see the ghost, and the damn thing isn’t exactly running around (most of the time he’s just sitting there, in fact), so why do they need his super speedy eyes? Also, they are of the belief that understanding how this kid died will let them solve the mystery of anti-gravity? Sure, why not. I should note that, as always, since the film is subtitled and I like to actually look at the imagery, these things might have been explained in a quick line that I missed, so I dunno.

This film also contains the best use of beef noodles in a movie ever. One of the team says “I want beef noodles.” Later he repeats this desire, and leaves to get them. Then, a few minutes later, an unrelated scene is interrupted by him walking up to a clerk and ordering beef noodles, and once again a few scenes later they cut to him receiving his beef noodles (the waiter refers to them by name). At this point, we have heard the term BEEF NOODLES four times in about 10 minutes. So it comes as no surprise that the ghost climbs out of his bowl of beef noodles and chokes him to death. This results in the cook seeing the guy die (not the ghost), and then yelling “Who ever heard of dying from beef noodles!” It’s fucking delightful, and makes me want to eat beef noodles.

The DVD comes with a few deleted scenes and an alternate ending that provides a sort of Twilight Zone coda for one of the characters. Like The Descent, both endings work fine; one will leave you saying “you did that for nothing” and the other “you shouldn’t have done that!” I think the one you prefer will depend on how much you enjoy the concept of Schadenfreude. These scenes are presented in a variety of aspect ratios, waging war on my HDTV, but at least they’re worth watching. I should note that the subtitles on all the extra features are pretty clumsy, with numerous spelling (bizarre ones like “devivery”) and grammar errors, plus they are way out of sync on the making of featurette (the subs on the film itself are done well).

Strangely, this one has no remake in development, as far as I know. Maybe Hollywood, for once, exercised good judgment, knowing that the film is perfectly accessible as is (hell, the first scene is in English!) and doesn’t need one, but come on. They probably just don’t know what could substitute for beef noodles.

What say you?

(p.s. I thought this one was recommended by a reader, but I couldn’t find it on the recommendation thread. So if you recommended it, thanks!)

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Asian, Ghost,

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The Eye (2002)

DECEMBER 24, 2007

GENRE: ASIAN, GHOST
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

Back in March, I was asked to do a set visit for the remake of The Eye (aka Gin Gwai), which will star Jessica Alba. Since an interview with Alba was also included (plus free food!) I was excited to go. Well it sucked, because Alba looked like hell (celebs get acne too, I guess) and the scene we got to see them film was... Alba getting out of a cab in the rain. Exciting!!!

Well the remake police better sharpen their clubs (what?), because the original film has not a single scene of the girl getting out of a cab in the rain! Clearly they have bastardized the entire film!!! Why even call it a remake if they are going to go so far from the source material! The bastards!

Unlike Ringu and Ju-On: The Grudge, I’m not even sure if this one really needed a remake for American audiences. Language aside, it’s far more accessible to an American audience than the others, and much better than those other original films to boot. Like many a J-horror film, we have a good hour of creepy scenes with no seeming point, and then a flurry of exposition as everything is explained, and once again it comes down to a woman who is needlessly dead trying to resolve her death from beyond the grave. Hell, there’s even a scene in English (which confused the hell out of me; I thought it was like some 13th Warrior shit where I just LISTENED! enough to understand what they were saying and then “heard” everything in my native language).

Oddly, the first hour actually works better. Sure, we have no idea why this poor girl is being harassed by what seems like every ghost in Asia as a result of getting new eyes, but damned if the scares aren’t effective. There’s a scene with her in an elevator as a creepy ghost man slowly approaches her that is quite chilling, at least, according to my wife (I slept through this particular scene, but it’s in the trailer and it looks good). The ones I stayed awake through were quite good too.

But once they start explaining everything it starts to fall apart. The back-story isn’t bad, but I just don’t like having everything explained all at once. I prefer when things are explained in small doses throughout the film (part of why I love Lost so much; people might think they are getting gypped with the answers but I think they dish out the information at a flawless rate). Luckily, the film gets back on track with a truly depressing finale. I don’t want to spoil it, but let’s just say the body count in this movie far exceeded my expectations.

Another surprise was the music. I loved it! The credit is given to “Orange Music”, and the only information I can find about them (him? It?) is in other reviews of the film. Some of it seems to be library or source material (I SWEAR I heard Craig Armstrong’s Romeo and Juliet score in there), but no information is given at all in the end credits about any of the music. Oh well.

Part of why I had so little hope for this one, besides my usual non-enthusiasm for these types of films, is that these guys made The Messengers, which was one of the year's weaker films. Also, I was supposed to interview them for that film and they kept blowing me off. So I was inclined to knock this one, but damned if I didn't enjoy it. Kudos, brothers Pang. Get your schedule straight and stop working for Ghost House, and you might be two of my favorite foreign directors!

In my notes I wrote down “Most skeptical grandma”. I don’t have much to say on the manner, other than that the lead’s grandmother is indeed very skeptical. She gets angry at the drop of a hat in her first few scenes, and I found it amusing. That’s about it.

What say you?

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Asian, Ghost,

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Tell Me Something (aka Telmisseomding)

SEPTEMBER 9, 2007

GENRE: ASIAN, SERIAL KILLER
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

Like them or not, the one thing I have always enjoyed about Asian horror films is that they are far from run of the mill. They might not make a lick of sense at times, but damned if they aren’t trying to provide the horror genre with SOMETHING we haven’t really seen before.

Such is NOT the case with Tell Me Something, a film that’s only real surprise is how dull and uninvolving it is. Combining parts from Seven, Silence of the Lambs, Jennifer 8 (?!?!?) and all the other American films that ripped THOSE films off, only the occasional gruesome sight and familiar soundtrack lift make this a two hour trek worth taking.

Yes, for some reason, while the film is set in Korea and stars only Koreans, the soundtrack is straight out of a Dimension film. The Scream theme, a.k.. “Red Right Hand” from Nick Cave, plays a few times, and there are also appearances by Placebo and Enya, as well as some Bach and Mendelssohn to balance things out. Part of the fun of watching a foreign film, at least for me, stems from the introduction to their culture, and that includes soundtrack selections. But here, I’m constantly reminded of Scream. Whatever.

Like I said, there’s also a few nice gore setpieces that can reignite viewer interest. A garbage bag filled with body parts spills over a crowded elevator early on, and then later, another bag causes a bloody, massive car accident. Good stuff.

But the story itself is a bore. I guess it’s good to know that vague, dark, dirty cities in Korea are also stalked by mysterious killers who leave cryptic clues for cops to find in the middle of a downpour, and that their cops will begin to get “too close” to the case by falling for a key witness, and that they also have an abundance of burnt out factories and condemned apartment buildings to search, but otherwise there’s little new to offer here. And if you haven’t figured out or just assumed the twist ending beforehand, ANYONE can figure it out simply by looking at the ‘time remaining’ display and realizing there’s only one character left alive and 15 minutes to go.

And even though the film is overlong, it would be even longer had it been edited correctly. Several scenes end jarringly, as if there was still another line or two to be spoken, or at least a reaction to what was being revealed, that somehow got removed. “Where did you find that?” someone might say, and then SLAM! We instantly cut to the next scene, as the cop is investigating the next clue. It’s really annoying both in a storytelling and an editing sense.

But still, if you’ve never seen a film before, you might enjoy it I guess.

I also must point out the insulting manufacturing of the DVD. Being a foreign film, you have the option of a dubbed track or the original, as well as corresponding subtitles. But the menu programming is seemingly done by folks who never actually saw a DVD before. In addition to not including a “Play” option right from the setup menu, like every other DVD ever made, it also automatically goes back to highlighting “Korean” regardless of what option you pick, instead of “Main” (or “Play”, if it was actually there). Making matters worse, you cannot switch the audio or sub tracks while the film is playing, nor is there a “Resume” option on the main or setup menus (another button you would expect due to the fact that every other DVD developer in history took the time to include it). Now, this wouldn’t be a problem, but I decided to watch it dubbed because I wasn’t in the mood to read the movie. This proved impossible, however, as the dubbing was fucking atrocious, not to mention seemingly only done by about 4 people, making some scenes incomprehensible because the same guy would be doing both sides of a conversation. So I tried to switch it to Korean with English subs, but I had to go back to the main menu to do so, then fast forward back to where I left off. Assholes. Then, making matters worse YET AGAIN, the subtitles dipped below the image, into the black, which meant I couldn’t zoom in to correct the non-anamorphic image (at this point I almost expect the DVD producer to ignore us silly folks who spent upwards of a thousand dollars in order to watch their films in superior quality), because the subtitles would be cropped out as a result. And at one point, the sound just disappears entirely for two minutes. When a DVD is so un-user friendly and shoddily produced, it’s like they are saying “Fuck you” to the person who bought it.

Well you know what? Fuck you too, Kino On Video.

What say you?

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Asian, Serial Killer,

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Ju-On (2003)

AUGUST 29, 2007

GENRE: ASIAN, GHOST, REMAKE
SOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)

The release of the American remake of Ju-On, called The Grudge, nearly ended my desire to go to the movies. The kids in the audience were so fucking annoying, I am still amazed I got out of there without bludgeoning one of them with a Milk Dud (it’s possible). Suffice to say it wasn’t an enjoyable theater experience, and I was so irritated I still to this day have no idea if I actually liked the movie or not. I don’t think I did though, so I was in no rush to watch the Japanese original that the film was based on (itself a remake – confused yet? I aren).

This was more or less confirmed while watching Ju-On today. It’s a movie with almost zero plot and yet told in a needlessly confusing manner. Following multiple timelines, characters who don’t get introduced into well over an hour into the film, and ghosts with apparently no ‘rules’ seems like a lot of work for a movie that essentially boils down to “if you go into this house you’ll die”.

That’s not to say the film is horrible, but when you consider that there is something like 834 versions (and respective sequels) of this movie, I would think it should be a compelling and unique enough story to warrant all the attention. But it’s not. And besides, I’ve gone on record with how un-scary I find the idea of little Japanese kids looking at me and croaking.

Still, there IS a strange sort of appeal to the film. I think it’s probably due to the fact that the film is essentially an anthology film, so no character really wears out their welcome. And since everyone dies, and it becomes more of a matter of WHEN they will die, there is some minor suspense to be had when they are in danger (unlike say, Ob-Ewan McGregor in the prequels, who was constantly in danger we knew perfectly well he would escape from). “Will they die here, or in the next scene?” Usually it’s the former, and then another character comes along.

The DVD has an odd extra: a commentary by Sam Raimi and Scott Spiegel. Raimi produced the remake; Spiegel I guess just had nothing better to do. They chat about horror movies in general, how much they like this movie, and offer some delightfully bad puns throughout (“I married my wife for her looks, just not the ones she’s been giving me lately”), making it worth a listen. Spiegel needs to brush up on his IMDb though, attributing Cat People to John Carpenter (???). They also contradict themselves, saying at one point that when a horror film gets too complex that it becomes harder for an audience to be scared, and then marveling at how the audience is expected to figure out most of the film’s timeline and plot threads themselves a few minutes later.

There’s also some deleteds and interviews, but I had no interest.

What say you?

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Asian, Ghost, Remake,

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Bloody Reunion (aka To Sir With Love)

AUGUST 25, 2007

GENRE: ASIAN, SLASHER
SOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)

What is this? A modern slasher movie I am totally behind? One that’s not Hatchet??? And even more surprising, an Asian horror movie I really like? Is Bloody Reunion a fluke, or have I just not been watching the right ones?

This one was recommended by... someone (I apologize I can not find the comment with the name, but regardless I thank you for the suggestion). For a slasher, it delivered what I expect – one or two kills I don’t see coming (at least not at the time they do), some decent splatter, an interesting killer disguise (a giant bunny mask! Gah!!), non ignorance of basic suspense, and a good back story. The back story is what impressed me the most. Sort of like Lost, we learn mainly through quick flashbacks what led the characters to be the way they are today. And I admit I was pretty surprised at what was revealed along the way.

Which brings us to the ending. Some folks have hated the “twist” in this one, but I am not two of them. And I sort of have to spoil it to talk about it, so apologies in advance.

See, the ending reveals none of the movie really happened, that it was all a story told by the “final girl”, similar to High Tension in a way. But the difference is, we KNOW right from the start that the whole film is her account of what happened. In Tension, we didn’t, so the twist seemed more of a cheat than it does here. Hence why I am not as angry as I was after I watched that movie.

That said... I’m not sure if it all adds up. Being an Asian horror, there has to be SOME confusion, and this is no exception. Some of the characters’ individual traumas are never fully explained, and the ending seemingly has a giant chunk missing (how do the two survivors, one of whom is telling the story from the hospital, end up back at the house?). But that’s forgivable, and possibly even explained if you watch it a 2nd time (something I certainly plan to do).

The only real flaw is the director’s ridiculous usage of zooms in a couple of scenes. There is one where two characters go to talk to the teacher and he just keeps zooming in and out, multiple times in one shot. It makes no narrative sense and it’s headache-inducing. Christ, Fulci himself would declare the zooms unnecessary. To be fair, he admits it as a weakness on the extras (one good thing about Asian imports over American movies – they will admit their mistakes. Whereas we get the Scarecrow guys talking like they made the next Halloween). There are also some bizarre subtitling quirks, such as putting everyone’s last name in ALL CAPS and substituting “me” for “you” (“Good to see you!” “Yes, me too!”), but again, forgivable.

Like almost all Tartan releases, there’s a good deal of extras on the DVD, most of which are subtitled. The making of is refreshingly lacking in “I love this person and this person and that person” type asskissery and focuses on more “day in the life” type footage, so I highly recommend it (though it does spoil some of the ending). I just wish they would stop forcing me to watch their promo reel at the head of the DVD though – you can’t skip it or go to the menu until it’s complete. Annoying.

So whoever recommended it, thanks and recommend more like it!!!

What say you?

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Asian, Slasher,

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Infection (Kansen)

JULY 16, 2007

GENRE: ASIAN, PSYCHOLOGICAL
SOURCE: CABLE (HDNET)

The very first J-Horror film I ever watched was called Parasite Eve (Parasaito Ivu), which I didn’t care for, due to the film’s severe lack of light RPG battles and weapon upgrading. And even though I couldn’t remember a goddamn thing about it, I had severe déjà vu when watching Infection. A quick check of the IMDb revealed that, huzzah! Same director (Masayuki Ochiai)! Man likes his hospitals.

This one’s a lot better though. In fact it’s probably one of my favorite of the sub-genre. For starters, there is only ONE spooky little kid in the whole movie, and he’s not a ghost or anything, he just has a penchant for wearing a mask of that beckoning cat’s face. Also, while it doesn’t make any sense in the traditional way, it’s never entirely incoherent, nor do I feel stupid after watching it (like I did after Tale of Two Sisters).

The concept of a virus that spreads with guilt is an intriguing one, and one almost wishes the film had gotten remade, as the American version would likely explore the this notion in greater detail. Some of the back story relies a bit too much on coincidence, but that’s easily forgivable.

More importantly, it’s actually pretty unnerving. Of course, hospitals are naturally terrifying, what with the knowledge that you’re probably in the same room where someone has died, not to mention the possibility that Michael Moore may be nearby, ready to film you and then re-edit it to fit his purposes. But Ochiai one ups the inherent terror by proving himself to be a master of misdirection, with creepy goings on appearing in the corners of the frame (despite a 1.85:1 ratio, this film would definitely suffer on a pan and scan version), and editing away from a scene before the “corner monsters” do something cheesy (or get discovered by the protagonists). Despite my love of Jerry Bruckheimer, Jim Steinman, and the Shocker soundtrack, I am actually a big fan of subtlety when it comes to horror movies, and it’s nice to see an attempt at one that actually succeeds (unlike, say, Wind Chill, which couldn’t even manage to climb its way UP to subtlety).

There’s also a scene with a nurse, who has gone crazy from the virus, reaches into a bucket full of discarded medical supplies, claiming they were still usable. As she pulls some out, we see two or three needles have gotten stuck in her arm in the process. Much like Saw II, this is an incredibly unnerving sequence, but the difference is, where Bousman’s film had a giant fucking PIT full of the things, Ochiai manages the same effect on the viewer with just a handful.

The only real flaw in the film was the music editing. Several cues are simply (and jarringly) silenced as the scene switches to another. It occurs several times over the course of the film. Maybe that’s how you Asians like your music, but here in America, we are supporters of the fade out!!!

Otherwise, speaking as someone who generally has little appreciation for Japanese horror films, I wholeheartedly recommend this one. So, if you like J-Horror, you’ll probably think it stinks. I dunno

What say you?

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Asian, Psychological,

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A Tale Of Two Sisters (aka Janghwa, Hongryeon)

JULY 9, 2007

GENRE: ASIAN, PSYCHOLOGICAL
SOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)

I don’t have a fucking clue what I just watched.

But I liked it anyway.

What say you?

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Asian, Psychological,

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Ringu (1998)

JUNE 17, 2007

GENRE: ASIAN, GHOST, SUPERNATURAL
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

I usually try not to see a remake before I see the original, but sometimes I have no choice. In the case of Ringu, the original wasn't readily available at the time. But I still wish I had waited, since the overall content and some whole scenes were copied directly for the American remake, I would prefer to see it “in order” as it were, so I could have more enjoyment from both. The ideas were in Ringu first, but they were all done better in the remake, in my opinion. As such, I cannot credit Ehren Kruger or Gore Verbinski for coming up with the downer ending, for example, only for doing it better.

It's rare, but I truly think the remake is a far superior film. No one can deny (well since it's my opinion, I guess they CAN, especially if they are bias folks, see below for more on them) that the backstory in the American one is superior (and makes a lot more sense), the cinematography is much more lush, and the acting doesn’t leave as much to be desired as it does in Hideo Nakata’s original film. Yes, for once, one can say “Martin Henderson was better than (anyone, in this case Hiroyuki Sanada).”

In fact, the problem a lot of people have with The Ring (American) has nothing to do with the film itself, actually. It’s because it was a huge hit. And PG-13. Much like Halloween ushered in the slasher era of the early 80s, The Ring kick-started the ‘teen’ horror phase that continues today, nearly 5 years later. Darkness Falls, The Grudge, Boogeyman, White Noise, The Messengers… all bad films that directly or indirectly owe their existence to The Ring. And that’s a goddamn shame, because I happen to think The Ring is a damn good ghost movie. I didn’t care about the rating when I saw it, because I thought it was more of an anomaly than anything (and I saw it in a mostly empty theater – the film was one of the last genuine “word of mouth” hits). There’s nothing in it to WARRANT an R rating, and there’s no evidence that they watered it down to make it OK for a 13 year old to see it either. In fact, the remake is MORE violent than the original, which would probably get a PG rating. Everything in the original happens off-screen and there are no makeup effects other than a quick shot of one of the ghost’s eyes. Hell, it doesn’t even have the hilarious horse scene on the ferry.

The other problem with the original (that was improved in the remake) is that there is never any real feeling of dread. No one seems particularly concerned with their looming fate. There’s a scene where the two heroes are almost out of time, and are looking for the body of the girl in the well. For some goddamn reason, rather than just sticking his friggin hand down (the water is only a few inches above his waist) and trying to find the girl’s body, they take their time. The guy fills a bucket, and the girl pulls it to the top of the well, then dumps it. Then she slowly lowers the bucket back down (rather than just tossing it) and they begin the process again. They waste a good hour or so doing this. Morons.

I haven’t read the book the film was based on, or seen any of the other sequels/prequels/remakes (the American one was actually the 2^nd remake), so I dunno where this one falls in the giant pantheon that is the Ring movies, but it’s certainly not making me excited for the others. It’s certainly better than The Ring Two (which Nakata directed himself), a film I declare to be the absolute worst horror movie of 2005. And, I don’t think I need to remind anyone, 2005 was the year of White Noise, Cry_Wolf, Cursed, and Wolf Creek. Yikes. But at least that one had CGI elk to laugh at. This one’s just very… stiff? Empty? Half-assed? Downright boring? Take your pick.

What say you?

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Asian, Ghost, Supernatural,

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