Mother Of Tears (2007)

JUNE 6, 2008

GENRE: ITALIAN, SUPERNATURAL
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REGULAR SCREENING)

I have read some fairly bad reviews of Mother Of Tears (aka La Terza Madre), and while I can't say that the film is perfect, I really don't get why some folks seem to think that this movie is a complete departure from the other two in the series. Maybe it's because I just saw Inferno for the first time about 2 months ago, and thus haven't 'waited' 27 years for this movie, but I felt it was a worthy followup and more or less a return to form for Argento. Some reviews have said that the film is too goofy - I'm sorry, was I supposed to take a guy being attacked by about 10,000 cats serious? Anyone who thinks this is him slumming it should watch The Card Player and then re-watch Mother. At least this movie has the good sense to have a killer monkey and gratuitous gore.

Like Inferno to Suspiria, there isn't any traditional sort of sequel feeling to this film, though they are acknowledged; Inferno's events are mentioned in passing, and Suspiria is given a bit more of a shoutout, but one doesn't need to see the films to understand this one. And given the disappointment others seem to feel, maybe not seeing those films (which are admittedly better) will help you enjoy this one more, as your expectations won't be as high. It's the same way I felt about the newest Indy movie; to me, someone who didn't grow up watching them, it felt like a good continuation. Yet, if Chevy Chase were to make a new Fletch film today (I watched that movie so many times as a kid it has literally informed my speaking mannerisms), I would be scrutinizing every frame, so I can at least understand where these folks are coming from. Still, one shouldn't discount the film entirely simply because it's not a masterpiece.

I had a blast for the most part. It was like the Argento of old; we got skeleton-less victims, nonsensical character actions, utterly baffling scare scenes, a fantastic Claudio Simonetti score (aided by a Cradle of Filth title song that I have been singing all night), Udo Kier hamming it up (though his role is way too brief), uncomfortable moments with his daughter Asia... it's all here. Like a homecoming, it's as much a celebration of the past as it is about the current event itself. There are even little nods to other Argento films; Asia's final scene more than just slightly resembles the climax of Phenomena.

The story is a bit uneven, particularly in the first hour. Even though Asia is the heroine, she is absent for a good 15-20 minute chunk while we follow the investigation through the eyes of her lover, a character who turns out to be rather minor in the overall scheme of things. She doesn't need to be in every scene, but this sort of setup occurring this early in the film is a bit jarring; perhaps going back and forth between the two for a while (instead of all of his scenes together) would have been better. Inferno had a bit of this as well, but there there WAS no real main character, it was like an ensemble all the way through.

The gore stuff, on the other hand, is fantastic. This movie offers 100% more half-eaten baby than any other film in recent memory, and there's plenty of other highlights - numerous throat slashings, a woman choked with her own intestines, an impalement or two, a head squished in a door... good stuff. It's not as setpiece driven as the other films - it actually flows pretty well and the killings feel organic to the story, and other than the sequence with the lover guy, Asia remains front and center throughout, and thus makes it easier to follow along. On the other hand, this means that there aren't many opportunities for Argento to indulge in his stylish visual mastery - it's more a return to form from a story standpoint than a technical one.

The release is limited, which is a bummer but fairly expected - I can't really see anyone other than Argento junkies going out to see this in theaters, even if it is more accessible than the other 2 films in the series (for better or worse). If it's not playing near you, please seek it on DVD and relish in the fact that Argento has made his most Argento-y movie in over a decade. Maybe it doesn't quite fit in with its thematic predecessors, but it fits in with his filmography as a whole better than all of his recent work.

What say you?

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Argento, Italian, Supernatural,

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Phenomena (1985)

MAY 17, 2008

GENRE: GIALLO, ITALIAN, SUPERNATURAL
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

Ah, Phenomena. My introduction to Italian cinema! Of course, by that I mean I saw Creepers, the severely edited US version of Argento’s film. I believe my mom rented it when I was about 6, because it had the girl from Labyrinth in it (occasionally known as Jennifer Connelly), and assumed I would enjoy it (not as much as I would when I hit the age of 11 or so and realized that Connelly was in fact one of the hottest women in the world). As a kid I remember being completely confused by the film, and thus “hated” it. I watched it again when I was about 17, this time the correct 108 minute version, and liked it a lot, and decided to start watching more Italian horror, which is how I came to see Demons and Zombie (and thus got introduced to Lamberto Bava and Lucio Fulci). So now, once again 11 years later, I watch it again as a sort of seasoned veteran of the output of one Dario Argento.

And it still holds up. The kill scenes are grand (if a bit jarringly edited at times, such as the beheading at the beginning), the plot is a nice blend of the usual black gloved killer stuff with the rather odd “Insect ESP” angle, and Donald Pleasence is, as always, a delight. I also quite much liked the monkey (why couldn’t she have gotten into the house in time!?!?!? :(), and the killer is one of Argento’s most memorable nuts.

The opening scene is a particular delight. In addition to being set in a location that looks a lot like the one in the climax of Opera (still my favorite Argento film), the credits reveal that none other than Giorgio Armani was the costume designer. You always hear about big actors who have horror movies in the early parts of their filmographies, it’s amusing to know that the same goes for fashion designers. His costumes for Connelly are much appreciated (she spends most of the film in a nightie. Fine by me.).

Ironically, I think it would be even better if it was edited down a bit. New Line (who distributed the film in the States) had the right idea, they just went overboard. For example, there’s a scene in an asylum that is among the most useless scenes in film history. All it does is foreshadow (rather clumsily to boot) the backstory that the killer is about to reveal herself anyway. An extra line in her exposition could have removed the ‘need’ for the scene entirely (I say ‘need’ because, as far as I’m concerned, we don’t need to know how the killer came to have a son anyway). This sequence comes after the film’s most annoying scene, where a body is wheeled out of a house, set to an Iron Maiden song. It is completely inappropriate to the scene, which is followed by a scene of Connelly running around (also useless). Without this entire chunk of the film, not only would it be shorter, but simply less “huh?” worthy.

There’s also a completely odd moment early on where the film suddenly has a narrator. He never says another thing in the film, and in fact his one line is pretty useless anyway, since he’s narrating action that wasn’t hard to follow anyway (he essentially says “And so Jennifer arrives at school”, over a shot of Jennifer arriving at school.). The movie has a knife wielding monkey, an insect trying to arouse Jennifer Connelly, etc... but nothing really made less sense than the use of a narrator here.

Another puzzling moment occurs about an hour in or so. Connelly is on a bus, using a fly to determine where the killer lives. When she gets off the bus, we see a guy sitting in the front row suddenly stand up, walk to the back of the bus, and shut the window next to the seat Connelly just vacated. Huh? Even for Argento, these things are a bit baffling.

(I just checked the IMDb, I guess there’s a scene where a woman asks her to shut the window that was cut, but why cut the setup and leave the punchline? And it looks like a dude shutting the window anyway. And even if not, she’s on the other end of the goddamn bus!)

Still, a damn good film, and one of the better introductions to Argento one could offer. It’s not as strange as Suspiria or even Opera, nor is it as completely accessible as Trauma or some of his newer films, which might give someone the idea that an Argento film is of complete and sound logic. A nice sort of hybrid, with the bonus of an incredibly cute and yet then-underage Connelly, which makes you as the viewer feel as creepy as you are creeped out.

The DVD is pretty packed compared to some of the other Argento films in the set. In addition to a commentary that’s worth listening to (since Argento is on it, plus Claudio Simonetti!), there are two music videos, which are interesting as both are instrumental songs. There is also the traditional interview with Argento where he discusses the film (he says it’s his favorite), and another making of piece that is, for some reason, half dubbed, half subtitled. I would have liked a bit about the alternate, 82 minute version, but oh well.

On a side note – did anyone besides me think that the girl who first taunts Connelly in the film’s big Carrie ‘homage’ was Coralina Cataldi-Tassoni?

What say you?

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Argento, Giallo, Italian, Supernatural,

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The Card Player (2004)

MAY 12, 2008

GENRE: ITALIAN, SERIAL KILLER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

There aren’t too many Argento films left for me to watch, which is pretty great. This is the 10th I’ve watched for HMAD, and with the 2-3 I had seen before, I’d say I’ve gotten a good sense of his style and themes. Which is why I feel safe saying that The Card Player (aka Il Cartaio) is the least Argento-ish of his movies. Not that it’s bad, it’s actually a pretty good “serial killer taunts the police” movie. But that’s all it is in the end, and other than the Claudio Simonetti score (which is also atypical of the composer, as it is entirely electronic based, to the point where it’s essentially techno), there is nothing here that suggests the master is the one behind it all; no stylish touches that elevate it above any of its cinematic brethren.

But, as said, it’s still pretty good. I had fun trying to figure out who the killer was, and was wrong, so that’s good (I DID correctly assume that the killings were pre-recorded, so the “movie-killer-guessing” part of my ego was only partially deflated). And despite the relative lack of Argento’s visual style, it’s an immaculate looking DVD. Blacks are actually black, instead of the faded gray that a lot of movies (including Argento’s own Stendhal Syndrome) suffer from on their DVD. I almost thought I was watching an HD DVD at times, until I recalled that the poor format died before it got around to releasing obscure Italian horror movies.

It’s also got a nice autopsy scene that made me flinch a bit. The cop is taking a scalpel to the corpse’s eyes, sort of cutting mucous-y fluid away. Gah. There’s also a nice sort of scare when a corpse (maybe the same one, I already forget) “pukes” water into a guy’s face. Otherwise, though, it’s the usual cop/thriller/killer stuff – the killer comes to our heroine’s apartment, she falls for a fellow cop who ends up dead, etc. It’s actually pretty similar at times to that Untraceable movie. At least I think it is, I’ve forgotten just about everything about that movie already.

The extras are a mixed bag. There’s a lengthy interview with Argento, and another with Simonetti, that are quite good and informative (and in Italian, even though the movie is in English). But then there are two other featurettes that are wholly worthless, simply presenting (the same) behind the scenes footage over music. The second one, which is actually shorter, is a bit better, as it includes some thoughts from the lead actress, but it’s still hardly worth your time. Still, nearly 40 minutes of extras, plus trailers and a commentary (by Alan Joneszzzzzzz), is pretty sweet considering how good the picture looked. Say what you will about Anchor Bay’s tendency to double dip – their transfers are almost always top notch.

In my notes I took, er, note, of the fact that the hot broad from Do You Like Hitchcock appears as one of the victims. I don’t really have anything to say about it, but, yeah; the hot broad from Do You Like Hitchcock appears as one of the victims.

What say you?

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Argento, Italian, Serial Killer,

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Do You Like Hitchcock? (2005)

MAY 4, 2008

GENRE: ITALIAN, THRILLER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

Enough of this thriller shit... tomorrow’s movie better be about monsters killing people in incredibly graphic ways. After the very “light on horror” Burbs and Godsend, I was looking for something more traditional. Thankfully, Anchor Bay answered the call, sending me the new Dario Argento Box set yesterday, which features two films already reviewed on HMAD (Trauma and Tenebrae), one I haven’t seen since I was a kid (Phenomena), and two I haven’t seen at all. One is The Card Player, and it better be more of a horror movie than Do You Like Hitchcock? (aka Ti Piace Hitchcock?), which features three kills in the entire film, and one is a goddamn chicken (and another is just a dude accidentally being hit by a car). If I have to stretch the criteria for what is and what isn’t a horror film for a goddamn Dario Argento movie, there’s something wrong!

It’s not a bad film at least (miles better than Phantom of the Opera, which was the most recent of his films that I had seen prior to this, and so bad I almost decided to never watch another of his recent films). In fact, considering it was a TV movie, it’s actually pretty solid, if not exactly top notch Argento. Also, on that note – what the hell kind of television does Italy have? This “TV movie” has a very graphic kill, rampant nudity and profanity, suggested incest, etc.... so really, saying “it’s good for a TV movie” is sort of giving it too much credit, since the medium obviously doesn’t have the same limitations that US television does. Also, it’s shot on video, which is a bummer no matter what medium/country you are working in, and even moreso when the film is directed by one of the most visually creative horror directors of all time.

None of the video looked really bad though, and in fact on a technical level, other than an odd glitch during the opening credits (why are they windowboxed?) it’s a perfectly good and professional looking film. But I expect nothing less from Dario.

What DID bug me was the setup of the video store that serves as the jumping point for several of the film’s plotlines. I spotted Green Mile filed along with several Hitchcock thrillers, and Mission Impossible 2 next to The Exorcist. Who the fuck alphabetized and categorized this place? There were other errors as well, not to mention a baffling amount of promotion for The Card Player (it’s almost as if the film was mocking me for not watching that instead).

And on that note, our protagonist is a pretty awful film student. He talks like your typical movie nerd guy, but then we see him watching Nosferatu on his widescreen TV, and he has the film stretched horizontally rather than at the correct square ratio. You fucking jerk! Look, no one likes to watch 4:3 movies on their nice 16:9 TV, but for Christ’s sake, don’t stretch out the image to make up for it! The movie looks like shit when you do that! Some fucking film student; he woulda gotten his ass kicked at my school.

As for the movie itself? It’s an interesting concept, but not enough is done with it. For some reason I was under the impression that the film concerned a serial killer who was killing people in Hitchcock homages (so like, he would kill someone in the shower, and throw a guy off Mt. Rushmore, or whatever). But instead it’s basically just a Strangers On A Train/Rear Window hybrid, with a bit of Dial M For Murder (and an affectionate mother that I guess is supposed to evoke Psycho, or at least Psycho IV), with our hero thinking that the femme fatale is copying the films on purpose. The film’s final scene is fascinating, as he realizes a pretty awful fact about himself; but that should have been the focus of the film, not a mini “twist” at the end.

Still, mediocre Argento is better than the best work of many others, and it’s certainly an entertaining piece. The Rear Window-esque finale is pretty suspenseful, and the hero’s never-fully explained flashbacks/dreams about two witches in the woods are vintage Dario. The box set is reasonably priced – just consider the film a bonus disc and you’re pretty much guaranteed an entertaining watch.

However, unless you speak Italian, don’t bother with the making of piece – it’s in Italian without subtitles. It’s not too hard to figure out what’s going on, but since these things are sort of worthless to begin with (there are no interviews included within) it’s even less appealing when you can’t really understand exactly WHAT boring things they are saying.

What say you?

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Argento, Italian, Thriller,

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Last House In The Woods (2006)

APRIL 21, 2008

GENRE: ITALIAN, SURVIVAL
SOURCE: DVD (SCREENER)

Last week I knocked on Lake Dead for being a derivative movie that offered nothing new to the genre. Well I could say the same thing for Last House In The Woods (aka Il Bosco Fuori), which is essentially Last House On The Left meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre III. But unlike Dead, it has that certain je ne sais quoi that made it worth my while. Also, I really wish it was a French movie (it actually FEELS French, at least in the first half), instead of an Italian one, so that my clichéd use of French would be even more fitting. C’est la vie.

One of those certain “something”s was a first for me. In all the years I have been watching horror movies, I have never come as close to gagging as I did at the sight of a particular makeup effect near the end of the film. I’m the most desensitized sod in the world when it comes to gore and the like, but I legit had to take a few deep breaths and stop eating my Healthy Choice meat loaf dinner for a minute or two. I won’t spoil it, but it involves a giant tumor-ish growth on one of the bad guy’s necks, and the good guy’s mouth. Watch at your own risks!

The score by Filippo Barbieri and Federico Bruno is also fantastic. I actually sat and listened to the end credits so I could enjoy the theme until the very end. I say listened because the credits were in Italian and thus I couldn’t read them. There is one exception, however – the opening credits are all “unanacional” and “rigatoni” or whatever, but when it comes to the effects, it’s in plain English: “Visual Effects and Digital Grading by (Tony Luigi whatever.)”. Do the Italians not have a word for “Grading”?

Another thing about the music that tickled me was the sad music that plays when a certain character dies. Ordinarily, this is fine – but the guy is a goddamn thief and rapist! Early on, three guys are driving around, getting stoned and looking to get laid. They come across our heroine and her boyfriend, and do what any stoned Italian punks in a horror movie would do – beat the guy unconscious and rape the girl. And this is where the Last House comparison comes in, though it’s a bit reversed – the three end up coming to her rescue. You see, the real villains are a family of backwoods rejects, led by a guy who looks eerily like Feast producer Mike Leahy. And this was where the Leatherface comparisons came in. In fact, the film worked better when our antagonists are just two parents and their creepy cannibal son. But then two typical movie redneck mutant guys are introduced, and the movie loses some steam. In the end, everyone is soaked in blood and dismembered (though not necessarily dead), so it’s all good.

The direction/cinematography leaves a bit to be desired, however. For whatever reason, Gabriele Albanesi (director) and Giovanni Cavallini (cinematographer) opt to use constant zooms – fast or slow, in or out, doesn’t matter. It looks like High Tension: The Soap Opera. Sometimes it works well, particularly to invoke that sort of 1970’s feel, but other times it’s just annoying. Everything in moderation!

(Except the gore.)

I watched this on a screener; it’s been playing festivals around the world (including the US) since 2006. Not sure if/when it is ever coming out here, but if it comes to your area, I’d check it out. It doesn’t really break new ground on the survival genre, but, like Doomsday, it’s a “greatest hits” done right, and would probably be a blast with a “Grindhouse” style crowd.

What say you?

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Italian, Survival,

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Torso (1973)

FEBRUARY 17, 2008

GENRE: GIALLO, ITALIAN

SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

One of the more common complaints about Grindhouse was that the double feature may have worked better had Planet Terror come AFTER Death Proof instead of before. Since Planet was such an adrenaline rush, it made DP seem "slow" in comparison. So it was a good thing Eli Roth was wise enough to show Torso before Pieces, since Torso IS indeed a slow film and building up to the incredibility that is Pieces was the right thing to do.

Torso is similar to Pieces, in that it's kind of a terrible movie made incredibly good by the sheer batshittedness of it all. But whereas Pieces almost never slows down (when there's a lull in the killings they simply have an attack by the college's "Kung Fu professor"), Torso takes its time, offering very little action in the first hour before a rousing and even somewhat shocking final 20 minutes.

I'm not sure if this was a cut print or not (it was certainly in bad shape), but if not, Torso must be the least violent/gory Giallo film ever. Many of the kills are off-screen entirely, and even the on-screen ones are fairly tame compared to the other films of the era (even ones older than this, such as Bava's Kill Baby Kill). I meant to ask Eli Roth, but I opted to make Mother's Day references instead (I am SO EXCITED for Wednesday's screening of that film).

In fact, most of the movie is simply people leering at each other. Literally every 30 seconds there is a shot of someone looking at someone who is looking at them with a sinister face. Some are reasonable, but at one point a woman somehow senses a guy watching her from down a hill, seemingly a mile away. If you cut all of the looking out, the movie would be about 12 minutes long.

So what's good? Well, the batshit dialogue, as always. One scene begins with a bunch of guys sitting around talking about our heroines; one says "They don't seem to be very politically aware." His friend responds "So what, I'd like to get with all three of them!" Charming. The plot also relies on continual confusion between a scarf that is either red over black or black over red, and this difference is explained at least three times. There's also a guy who looks like David Copperfield, and a brief lesbian scene that comes and goes out of nowhere.

As mentioned, the finale pretty much makes up for a lot of the film's shortcomings. After killing three of the female leads in one swoop (offscreen again, though at least this is used for shock reveal to the surviving girl), the Final Girl does the old "slide a newspaper under the door to catch the key" trick. But she misses, the key falls to the floor. Then, the killer reaches into frame and puts the key on the newspaper for her! It's so delightfully painful to watch it go from hope to despair to false hope... genius scene.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the "can scene". For reasons never explained, one scene is shot from the point of view of a tin can on the ground. We see the can, and hold on it, as a group of locals walk around talking about the girls. One guy kicks the can, and it rolls over near the killer. The killer walks off with his new information about the girls, and we stay with the can. It's hilarious.

Like I said, this was part of the Eli Roth festival, and I am pretty sure that if I watched this one by myself I would be bored even by the stuff I mentioned as good. It's amazing how much the crowd's spirit can add to the enjoyment of a film, and I would strongly urge anyone who thinks that they can replicate the theater experience in their home by spending thousands of dollars on a system to first fuck themselves and then head on over to their local revival house on a night that is showing a cheesy film like this (or even a genuine crowd-pleaser like SLither) and see how much they are missing. Plus, in addition to a sort of "Movie Internet Site Powerhouse" (my row included delegates from CHUD, Aintitcool, JoBlo, ShockTillYouDrop, and, obviously, Bloody-Disgusting), the crowd included John Gulager, Edgar Wright, Sage Stallone, and even the guy who plays Superman on Hollywood Boulevard. No special seating, no VIP treatment, everyone there just has a good time together. Pieces is too good to never watch again, but Torso? Watching it anywhere but a theater full of appreciative fans would just be pointless.

In short, the sound system and maybe even the size of the screen may be "better" at your home, but those things are nowhere near as important as the crowd factor of a real movie theater. Please support your independent theaters, because when it comes to these types of screenings, there is nothing in the world that is as stupid as saying "Why go see a movie I have at home?"

What say you?

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Exploitation, Giallo, Italian,

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Inferno (1980)

FEBRUARY 9, 2008

GENRE: ITALIAN

SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

While I was going through pretty much the entire Dario Argento filmography early on in the Horror Movie A Day oeuvre, I somehow skipped over Inferno, which doesn’t make a lot of sense, since it’s the sort of sequel to Suspiria, one of few I had seen prior to HMAD, and the sort of prequel to his next film, Mother Of Tears, which I got to see some of last year and was pretty intrigued by what I saw. Anyway, I finally got around to it, and while it wasn’t bad at all, it wasn’t up to par either.

One issue I had with the film is that it wasn’t batshit insane like Suspiria, but instead seemed more or less plausible. People had skeletons, died via reasonable means, etc. But at the same time, the narrative was almost non-existent. Just a bunch of folks hanging out, reading and listening to music, and every now and then someone would die. The thruline, such as it is, concerns a book called The Three Mothers. Whenever someone gets their hands on a copy they usually end up dead. Alchemists and witches seem be particularly interested in it.

There’s not even a real lead character. Every time you meet a person you think will be the heroine, she dies. There’s a bland guy who manages to survive til the end, but he doesn’t do very much in the meantime other than remind me of Brian from Prince of Darkness.

Still, it’s pretty fun at times. In one of the many shots of books on a shelf, we can see one simply called “A Book Of Good Poems” (it seems pretty thick for that title to be true though). The subtitles also provide occasional amusement, such as when they cut from Rome to New York and the subs inform us that it’s the same night in April, which is sort of redundant because the scene is simply showing the other side of a phone call. When else would it be? This isn’t Frequency. I also giggled at the score a few times, especially the end title music which had lyrics that sound like “Domino! Domini! Not Suspiriorum!” Sadly, the instrumental score was NOT done by Goblin and thus pales in comparison to pretty much every other Argento film of the period.

There’s also a fantastic scene where a character is “attacked” by a dozen or so cats. I put attacked in quotes because it is painfully obvious that someone is just throwing the damn things at the actor, and clearly aren’t interested in hurting the person since they almost immediately make a break for it (resulting in about 900 more cuts in the scene than necessary). Plus, come on, cats?? Where’s a killer with Arengto’s hands when you need him?? In fact, a lot of the kill scenes in the film, enjoyable as they may be, could be avoided if the characters weren’t so clumsy. One immolates herself by pulling a fiery drape down onto herself, and another falls down in the water and can’t get back up, resulting in being bitten by rats and then nearly beheaded by a crazed hot dog vendor (this is the weirdest scene in the movie, for the record).

Even the non-death setpieces are impressive, especially the beginning one with a woman who is determined to get her keys back, even if it means jumping into a hole in the middle of the floor and swimming around the submerged level below. But that’s part of the problem with the film – the sequences by themselves are pretty great, but they don’t add up to much. It feels at times like 2-3 different films were edited together.

Like all Argento films (except for Phantom of the Opera), it’s worth watching, but I wouldn’t recommend starting with it if you're new to the man. It’s just too average (this is probably due to the fact that it was financed by Fox) for Argento fans and yet still too strange for a casual horror fan.

What say you?

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Argento, Italian, Video Nasties,

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Pieces (1982)

FEBRUARY 3, 2008

GENRE: EXPLOITATION, SLASHER
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

This week will make one year of daily horror movie watching. Imagine if, after going 364 days without missing a single day, I just sat on my ass and did absolutely nothing to ensure that magic 365-0 mark would come to pass? Then I’d fit in with my New England brethren!

Anyway, after that heartbreaking, ballstomping clusterfuck of a disappointment, I needed to watch something VIOLENT. I needed release, dammit, and what better way to get it (from the couch anyway) than with a splatter movie about a guy chainsawing some girls up and making a jigsaw puzzle out of their body parts? Thank you, Pieces, for helping to keep my mind off the depressing “it was all for nothing” events of the day.

However, in an ironic coincidence that I had to laugh at, the film begins with a title saying Boston, 1947. Now, no slasher movies are set in Boston, ever, so this was a bit of an eye-opener. But then, they cut to the interior of a house, and on the kid’s wall is a New England Patriots banner!!! The fact that there WERE no Patriots for another 13 years (and they were the Boston Patriots until the 70s) did not escape me, it seemed like it was Lucased into the film just to spite me. Fuck you, anachronistic movie!

But then the chainsawing began and all was well.

While not as violent as I expected (only 4 or 5 deaths), the movie was a blast, and I for one cannot WAIT to see it again in a few weeks at the New Beverly, where it’s showing as part of Eli Roth’s film festival (full lineup HERE). You never want to watch a movie for the first time with that crowd; it’s designed for appreciative fans who will likely be talking and laughing over most of it. And more than any other film I’ve seen there (or plan to), this one is seemingly filmed with that sort of experience in mind. Scenes like the one where a guy comes out of nowhere and begins kung-fuing the heroine for no reason, then complaining about eating bad chop suey, seemingly have no purpose other than to provide a crowd full of slightly drunken horror fans a reason to laugh as soon as the scene begins.

There are plenty of moments like that in the film, from odd dialogue (“The most beautiful thing in the world is smoking pot and fucking on a waterbed.”), killings that don’t make a lick of sense (the killer grabs a guy’s crotch and manages to tear off his genitalia with his bare hand – thru a pair of jeans no less!), and of course, atrocious overdubbing (they seem to be speaking English, but it’s often clearly not the same actor saying the lines). I also like how blasé the police department is about what has to be the most violent campus in the world – at one point a reporter’s question about the possibility of a serial killer is dismissed by the chief, who says “There are maniac rumors at that school every couple of months!”. How many people have died there, exactly???

Is this why so many of my jeans get a hole there?

The gore is also pretty fantastic (read: ridiculous and over the top). Given the nature of the film, there is a lot of dismemberment on hand, but the fact that we actually see a lot of it is pretty impressive. My favorite was when the killer steps into a small elevator, hiding a giant chainsaw behind his back. The victim doesn’t notice, somehow, but then he whips it out and relieves her of her right arm. A+!

One thing that was kind of a bummer was how they automatically remove one of the primary suspects (it’s a whodunit) early on. We see the killer’s legs as he walks around a library, and he’s got blue pants on. Then the guy they want us to think is the killer walks by, and his pants are brown. Granted, if he WAS the killer it could be chalked up to continuity error, but still, I never once suspected him through the rest of the film. Oh well.

The film has a good pedigree – one of the writers was the infamous Joe D’Amato (if you haven’t seen his film Antropophagus, you’re just not living life), and another writer, Dick Randall, was a producer on Slaughter High (Marty!). I don’t recognize any of the actors, but the music is a Goblin ripoff, so there’s something. My DVD is sadly not the special edition, but a cheapo budget pack version on a set called Blood Bath. Kill Baby Kill is also on the set, and I have the special edition of that via the Bava box set. So if the other 2 movies suck I’ll give away Blood Bath on a future contest. Deal?

What say you?

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Exploitation, Italian, Slasher,

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Non Canon Review: Demons (1985)

JANUARY 13, 2008

GENRE: ITALIAN, ZOMBIE
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

I like that I have now gone to see revival screenings of Demons twice at the same theater, and both times I have slept through more or less the exact same parts. In fact, along with falling asleep watching it at home about two years ago, it's been so long since I've seen the whole thing that I can no longer remember how the 4 cokehead characters die. I miss it every single time.

That is not a blight on the film though. Midnight = BC goes to sleep. I actually saw more of it than I expected this time, since I was pretty close to nodding off before the damn thing even started. Being the New Beverly, the film was almost an hour late starting. In fact, they are currently remodeling the theater, and my friend commented "Maybe they will buy a new clock." Since I was half asleep and a tad buzzed, this was the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Anyway, like I was saying, it's not that I don't like the movie. Quite the contrary, it is one of my favorite Italian horror movies. Seeing it in a theater only adds to the fun. The character of Tony (aka the black pimp dude) is one of the most delightful assholes ever put into a film. There's a scene where he's just yelling at everyone to stop being lazy, and it looks like he's about to have a heart attack. The fact that he's not really doing anything makes it breathtaking. And then he gets eaten (though this doesn't stop him from being in Demons 2 as a guy with a different name but who is otherwise the exact same guy). My other favorite character is the middle aged guy who's such a cheapskate that he takes his wife to a free movie screening for their anniversary. I'm sure I'll eventually do the same goddamn thing, but I doubt I'll randomly yell out "WHORES! You can tell them a mile away!" during the evening.

Of course, one of the most baffling moments in cinematic history occurs in this film, when a helicopter suddenly falls through the ceiling of the theater, allowing our heroes to escape. There's Deus Ex Machinas, and then there's this helicopter, somewhere above it. On the commentary track, someone asks Lamberto Bava what is going on, and he's like "I don't know". Hahahaha, oh man. Love.

I also like that the movie features the first (and, as far as you know, last) villainous free movie pass guy in a film. Anyone familiar with these folks (in LA you see them more often than you see your own friends) can appreciate the notion that any one of them are one "no thanks!" away from going apeshit and trying to kill you on a roof while wearing a Phantom of the Opera mask.

You may have noticed that I have labeled this movie a zombie film. What else would you call it? The "demons" become that way when they are bitten by another demon, and they gather in groups and attack folks in a gory fashion. That's a zombie movie, as far as Horror Movie A Day genre labeling is concerned.

The fact that I don't own this (or the sequel, which I like almost as much) on DVD sort of upsets me. I need to fix that. But if you have never seen it, I strongly urge you to do so as soon as possible, and if you ever get the chance to see it in a theater, then there should be no reason for you not to attend. It's not often you find yourself in a theater watching a movie about people going to see a movie, and even less often you see that movie with some terrible dubbing and a strangely American soundtrack.

What say you?

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Italian, Non Canon, Zombie,

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Black Sabbath (1963)

NOVEMBER 13, 2007

GENRE: ANTHOLOGY, ITALIAN
SOURCE: DVD (OWN COLLECTION)

I was going to watch Scream, Bloody Murder today, but as is often the case, Blockbuster sent me the 1970s movie with the same name, which I had already watched (and wouldn’t mind watching again, truth be told, that movie was awesome!). I don’t know why they can’t get their “doubled” titles straight, but it happens every single time. I can only hope that somewhere, someone wanted to watch the original SBM (maybe even based on my recommendation!) and got the low budget slasher from a few years’ back. And that they send it back, pronto. So, short story shorter, I watched Mario Bava’s Black Sabbath (aka I Tre Volti Della Paura) instead.

Granted, it’s an anthology movie, so I wasn’t expecting much, but it was pretty OK for the most part. The final story is terribly weak compared to the others, and much shorter than those to boot. What I liked most about the first two tales is that they didn’t feel rushed, like many anthology movie stories do. The middle tale, The Wurdalak, almost feels feature length (it’s like almost 50 minutes worth of the 92 minute movie!), and since it also co-stars Boris Karloff, is the best.

Karloff also provides the film’s bookend sequences, and I must admit, there’s something kind of odd about watching a guy speak English, which is then dubbed into Italian and given English subtitles. Anyway, in the first scene he’s apparently on the same stage that Walt Disney used to pal around with Mickey Mouse on, then at the end he is riding a horse as obvious fake trees rush by. Bava then reveals that it’s SUPPOSED to be fake, as the camera zooms out to reveal that Karloff is more or less playing himself on a sound stage.

Yeah, fine. Whatever.

I am puzzled as to why I have thus far been sort of underwhelmed with the Bava films I have seen. While none of have been BAD by any means, I must admit I was expecting more enjoyment out of them than I have had so far. I love his son’s films, and I love (his would be successor) Argento’s films, so I don’t know what the fuck my problem is. The only one I’ve been truly struck by is Shock, and that’s like half Lamberto’s movie I guess.

At any rate, I believe this finishes off the Bava Volume 1 set (at least as far as HMAD is concerned; there’s a Viking movie on there that I assume cannot qualify as a horror movie), which is good because I already got Volume 2 and I was supposed to review it for Bloody Disgusting like a month ago (let’s hope Anchor Bay calls it even with me for sending me the Hatchet prizes a full two months after the contest ended). That, coupled with my recent canceling of Netflix, means there might be a lot of Bava coming your way!!!

What say you?

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Anthology, Italian,

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Tenebrae (1982)

OCTOBER 2, 2007

GENRE: GIALLO, ITALIAN

SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

I think I’m about halfway through the Dario Argento filmography now, thanks to Tenebrae (aka Unsane). Also, I’ll use this space to point out I will be adding more tags so folks can find a collection of reviews more easily. I have added Chilling Classics, and now that I have about a half dozen, I’ll be adding “Argento” as well. Hurrah!

This one’s sort of similar to Deep Red, except the main guy is a novelist instead of a musician. And it’s a lot more coherent. In fact, this may be the most logical and accessible of Argento’s films (at least of the ones I’ve seen). The murders aren’t overly graphic (the victims even seem to have skeletons for once), there aren’t too many “Huh?” moments, and there’s even a relative lack of nightmare scenes (the few that we do see are actually flashbacks of a sort). Granted, there are a few things that require the characters to do things for no reason (like when the main character puts his bag down at the airport and walks away), but that’s nothing compared to the utterly baffling nature of something like Phenomena (aka Creepers). The strangest moment in the film is probably when John Saxon, apropos of nothing, demonstrates how stable his hat is by sort of headbanging. There’s also a delightful scene where Saxon laughs at some guys fighting in the background (something that occurs a few times in the film – there’s almost as much background violence as there is murder scenes). Good to know ol’ Chief Thompson enjoys other folk’s misery.

I watched the English dub, which was quite good (I’m pretty sure most of the actors were speaking English). The only time the Americanization is ever evident is in the first scene, where the killer is reading a book that is written in Italian, yet magically translates to English for close-ups. Also, in this scene, Argento demonstrates that when he speaks English, he sounds like David Warner (though maybe this isn’t Argento’s voice, he says it is but maybe he means the Italian dub version).

As always, the music by Goblin (not actually called Goblin here for some legal reason I can’t recall) is fantastic. Hilariously, the characters seem to like it too, as one of them is actually listening to the score on her record player at one point. Another character even yells “Turn it down!” OK, so maybe the movie is a little weird.

The commentary is pretty great, despite the usual gaps I’ve come to expect on an Argento track (since it’s always been like 15 years since he last watched the movie). “She was kind of a whore, right?” someone comments about a particular actress, “A bitch?” And they all get confused at the pop song placed over the credits, which none of them are familiar with, leading to the otherwise unheard of extra feature “Alternate End Credits” which features the song they got so miffed at (as the DVD producers went back and put the right song in for the feature after Argento complained). DVD is not anamorphic, but otherwise it’s a nice little package. But apparently, out of print, hence the lack of an Amazon link. Figures. A rare movie I not only recommend to fans but non-fans as well, and I can't help you buy it. Yet, goddamn Fright Club is easily located for sale! Fuck you, whoever invented moratoriums.

UPDATE: Anchor Bay has re-released the film. Woo!

What say you?

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Argento, Giallo, Italian, Video Nasties,

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Cannibal Apocalypse (aka Apocalypse Domani)

SEPTEMBER 26, 2007

GENRE: CANNIBAL, EXPLOITATION, ITALIAN

SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

One of the great perks of watching a Horror Movie A Day is discovering a movie I knew nothing about (OK, it’s the only perk. This has severely cut into my video game time!). Such is the case with Cannibal Apocalypse. Like many of the movies I watch, it was simply queued on Netflix or Blockbuster because it came up as a recommendation for another movie. So when I began to watch the film, I had no preconceived notions about it. Hell, I didn’t even know what it was about or who was in it. I assumed there would be cannibals, and that there would be some sort of apocalypse.

The film began in the jungle. So I thought “OK, another Ferox/Holocaust ripoff. Fine.” But then they reveal the jungle scene was just a nightmare of John Saxon’s character. A few minutes later, John Morghen (!!!) goes to a movie and bites a female patron, then holes up inside a flea market, killing anyone who tries to capture him. So now I am thinking, “OK, it’s a siege movie with cannibals, sweet!” But no, Saxon comes along and talks Morghen down, and Morghen is taken back to a mental institution. And so on. Usually when I see a movie as old as this, not only do I know the general structure of the plot, but have half the kills spoiled from seeing the trailer, know who survives because they are in the sequel, etc. But here, every time I thought I knew how the rest of the movie would play out, it went off in a new direction (but not in a confusing or crippling way). Needless to say, I had more fun watching this movie than most of the others all month.

The best surprise was how much Morghen was in the film. Usually the poor sod is killed instantly after being introduced, but here he’s got more screentime than anyone save Saxon. A film can never have too much John Morghen, so this was fantastic. His eventual death (I’m not spoiling anything. Come on, the guy NEVER lives) was amazingly well done, considering the time period. I honestly can’t really figure out how it was accomplished, though I have a theory (body suspension - notice you never see the top of his head or an angled view).

Being an Italian film, there is also a hefty dose of ridiculous dialogue. My favorite came early on, as a man says “I always said you should have married me instead. But anyway, speaking professionally...” and then goes on to tell a woman that her husband is nuts. The line is ridiculous enough, but the guy doing the dubbing says it with such lazy nonchalance it becomes a minor treasure in the annals of horrible Italian horror movie lines. Then there’s the usual complete dismissal of any female character (“come here, bitch!” is said more than once, often unprovoked), a hateful old woman, cops who threaten everyone they encounter, etc. All filmed in Georgia for some goddamn reason.

The only downer is the soundtrack. The DVD is in horrendous mono sound, which not only leaves a few lines up to your imagination, but also betrays the great, Goblin-esque soundtrack by Alexander Blonksteiner, who also did House by the Cemetery. Some of his cues are sort of porn-ish (especially the first one, which is totally inappropriate to the scene involving the massacre of a Vietnamese village), but the rest is reminiscent of Dawn of the Dead without being a total ripoff. The lack of remastered sound is all the more baffling when you consider that the film is actually presented anamorphic despite having the rightfully rare ratio of 1.66:1, and there’s also a nice collection of extras, including an hour long recollection from Saxon, Morghen, and director Anthony Dawson (aka Antonio Margheriti). My favorite though, was a text description of all the different cuts made to the film (as well as a few of the dozen or so titles the film has gone by).

I hope the Grindhouse Festival (a monthly double feature in LA that has introduced me to many a Morghen film) shows this one sometime soon; I’d love to watch it again with a crowd. Till then, definitely check this one out, it’s the most accessible of the “Cannibal _____” films of the era.

What say you?

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Cannibal, Exploitation, Italian, Video Nasties,

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Phantom Of The Opera (1998)

AUGUST 19, 2007

GENRE: CRAP, HERO KILLER, ITALIAN
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

And so it has come to this, an Argento film in the Crap genre. I tried really hard to think of a reason why Phantom Of The Opera should be kept out of it, but it really offers nothing more interesting or entertaining than the sight of Warlock fucking Asia Argento from behind. And I am sure there’s another movie that features the same.

It’s borderline depressing that Argento, arguably one of the greatest horror filmmakers of all time with unparalleled ability for creating memorable images and setpieces, couldn’t even make the chandelier sequence interesting. The best murder in the film is when a midget rat catcher gets randomly beheaded (in a scene that is an obvious allusion to Silent Night Deadly Night and Friday the 13th Part 5), a character who isn’t even in the original story that I can recall. Which isn’t much of a surprise; I’ve said before I don’t like the Phantom story anyway, and it seems the further they get from the source material (Phantom of the Mall, or Argento’s own Opera) the better.

But even if the story remained in any way compelling after some 30448560856 versions, everything seems lazy here. The dubbing on the first scene of Asia singing is atrocious (it’s not even in English anyway so why not just use her voice?), the makeup effects are week (this Phantom doesn’t even have a facial scar)… even the goddamn opening titles look like they’re photoshop files with poorly matted out backgrounds. Hell, the character of Raoul disappears for so long I actually forgot who the hell he was when he finally showed up again.

The main problem is everyone except Asia and Julian Sands has apparently stepped in from the musical version (stage or Schumacher, your pick) of the story, acting broad and gestating wildly, while Asia just does her “I’m hot and everyone wants to either fuck me or kill me or both” shtick she always does, and Sands channels Fabio. And the rat catcher guys are seemingly inserted from Delicatessen or City of Lost Children.

Christ, what a fucking mess. I’m not even going to bother with the extras.

What say you?

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Argento, Based On Novel, Crap, Hero Killer, Italian,

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The Stendhal Syndrome

AUGUST 5, 2007

GENRE: GIALLO, ITALIAN
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

Argento and Troma, together at last! I love that I live in a world where Alone in the Dark has two DVD releases and yet a film from one of the greatest horror filmmakers of all time has an introduction that includes Lloyd Kaufman pushing Toxic Avenger 4 and almost falling into a subway entrance.

Yes, for whatever reason, Argento’s mid 1990’s film The Stendhal Syndrome couldn’t get a better distribution than Troma, who has given the film, in addition to the usual Troma bullshit you have to suffer through on all their DVDs, the absolute worst video transfer I have ever seen for a relatively new film.

Having apparently been left out in the sun and bathed in milk, this transfer is an abomination to the AV world and an insult to Argento. I can overlook the lack of an anamorphic transfer, but not the fact that all of the blacks look a yellow-ish gray or that there is absolute no detail in anything on screen. It basically looks like a VHS bootleg. Granted, it’s not one of his best films, but no director, least of all a true master like Argento, deserves to have their film shown in such a manner. Luckily, Blue Underground is re-releasing the film this fall (that's the version in the Amazon link, for the record); hopefully the transfer won’t be such an ocular affront.

The extras are nothing to write a blog paragraph about either. Despite being billed as a “Special Edition”, most of the extras are about Troma, not the film (or none of the above: “Ruggero Deodato remembers Cannibal Holocaust” - ??? That movie’s not even a Troma release!), and the two that actually do pertain to the film are poorly shot and edited. Whatever.

The film itself is OK. The story is fine, and the Ennio Morricone score is phenomenal, but as a whole the movie is a bit overlong. Also, one can’t help but be distracted that the director’s daughter Asia is in the film, playing a character who gets raped twice. What the hell did they talk about on the set? “Hi Dad, what are we filming today?” “You, crying, while you are being raped.” “OK, sounds good, don’t forget today is Mom’s birthday.” It’s just odd.

I was disappointed that the titular syndrome wasn’t used very much in the film after the first half hour. I find it to be a pretty fascinating affliction (and it’s real) and I think more could be done with it, instead of the rather bland gender reversal motifs that make up most of the film. As someone who suffers from a few odd syndromes himself (such as benign fasciculation syndrome, which causes certain muscles to randomly and rapidly contract, or twitch, for hours or even days on end), I would like to see more horror films use random diseases as a backdrop. I bet Wes Craven could make a great movie about carpal tunnel.

Also I should note, as every other review of this film does, that this was the first Italian film to use digital effects. It shows.

What say you?

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Argento, Giallo, Italian,

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Shock (1977)

AUGUST 3, 2007

GENRE: GHOST, ITALIAN, POSSESSION,
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (FESTIVAL SCREENING)

Right after Ghost Son, the theater screened what was quite obviously the inspiration for that film, Mario Bava's Shock (or Schock. It depends on who you talk to really). It was nice to see the films together; while obviously similar in many ways, it served as a reminder that you can basically tell the same story and yet not copy entire scenes and dialog and characters verbatim with no rhyme or reason, to the point where the film is utterly and totally pointless.

But like I said, I can't review the Halloween remake yet.

Shock is much more "Italian" than Ghost Son, in that it contains nonsensical dialogue, scenes that exist entirely within the world of "dream logic", and has a good dosage of ridiculous gore. The kid is older and thus the scenes of him being possessed are slightly less ridiculous, and even a bit chilling (the scene where he tries to kill his mother's boyfriend is particularly nasty, since the guy happens to flying a plane filled with innocent people).

This one is a lot different than Mario's other films, and it's a shame he died right after completing it, since it seemed he was going in a different direction, one I happen to quite enjoy. His other films, while not BAD by any means, aren't ones I consider my favorites in the genre, but this one I really dug a lot (even more impressive when you consider I had literally just watched what could almost be considered a remake, and had the best scare in the film ruined by the Girl Who Knew Too Much DVD). But to be fair, some folks say Lamberto actually directed a lot of it, so maybe that's why.

Look, it doesn't matter. The movie features a psychiatrist who "comforts" a troubled woman by reminding her about her shock therapy, depression, and "drug addict ex husband". I wish I could find the exact quote, but alas. Hopefully this one will be on the second volume of Anchor Bay's Mario Bava sets (the first one is labeled "Volume 1" so they better fucking release a 2nd one or else Encyclopedia Brown will come down hard on their ass).

What say you?

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Ghost, Italian, Possession,

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Ghost Son

AUGUST 3, 2007

GENRE: GHOST, ITALIAN, POSSESSION
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (FESTIVAL SCREENING)

To paraphrase my favorite robot: "Now no one can say I haven't seen the guy from The Mummy's pubes!"

Despite the dumbest title this side of, well, I Know Who Killed Me, Lamberto Bava's Ghost Son is a nice, deliberately paced, atmospheric ghost movie, refreshingly light on "typical" Italian horror clichés, such as a stubborn refusal to make any goddamn sense, and characters who are all sans skeletons. In fact, other than Bava's name and the presence of Corlina Cataldi-Tassoni, one might mistake it for an American film. Or an African one.

The film shares a lot with Mario Bava's final film Shock, in that it deals with a young child seemingly possessed by the spirit of his dead father. But where Shock had a 10 year old kid, here it's a newborn baby. It sounds sillier than it is. Granted, you got to employ some suspension of disbelief, especially in the final act, where the baby begins talking and getting aroused, but since this IS a Bava film, you should have checked logic at the door anyway. At least the mother isn't saved by a random helicopter crashing through the ceiling.

Pete Postlethwaite is in this film. Much like Phillip Baker Hall, he's one of those elderly actors that appeared out of nowhere and suddenly began appearing in every other film you saw in the mid 1990s. It's good to see him again.

The only things that bugged me, besides the aforementioned sight of John Hannah's pubic region (thanks, movie!), were the occasional jump cuts. Since they were used so infrequently and often in a non-'horror' context, they were quite jarring. At one point, Pete and Laura Harring are talking in the living room, and then suddenly they are in the bedroom, but it doesn't seem like any part of their conversation is missing. Also there's a needless little "10 years later" epilogue that, other than the nonsensical sight of an elephant running inside an abandoned home, serves no actual narrative or thematic function, as it's simply repeating what we already knew.

But the film more than makes up for it when the baby suddenly projectile vomits all over Harring. I was just about ready to doze at that point (not a slight on the film - it IS slow but I like that. I'm just a borderline narcoleptic), but this moment kept me awake for the rest of the film AND the one after it. Puking babies - nature's caffeine.

I have not heard of an actual domestic release for this one (IMDb just lists "2007", and it's already been released elsewhere), but I hope some of you folks give it a shot if it comes your way (or, more likely, when it comes on DVD). Despite the odd occurrences (and again, Hannah's pubes) it's definitely more accessible than Shock or some of Bava's other non giallo/zombie type films (i.e. Macabre). Recommended!

What say you?

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Ghost, Italian, Possession,

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Bay Of Blood (aka Twitch Of The Death Nerve)

JULY 24, 2007

GENRE: GIALLO, ITALIAN
SOURCE: DVD (ONLINE RENTAL)

What do you call it when you’re watching a movie that’s not exciting you that much and you start to wish you were watching another movie from the same director only to find out later that they were both the same movie? There’s gotta be a Sniglet for that.

Such was the case with Mario Bava's Bay of Blood. Once it became clear it wasn’t as great as I heard it was, I began to wish I had rented Twitch of the Death Nerve instead, which I thought was a different movie. Turns out they are the same. In fact, Tim Lucas (who provides those awkward commentaries on the other Bava films I have watched, like Black Sunday) has declared that this film has more titles than any other in history. I don’t doubt it.

I think part of why I was left underwhelmed by the film was due to the god awful presentation it was given on Simitar’s DVD. Not only is it non-anamorphic, it’s not even centered on the screen correctly, so zooming in to make up for the lack of anamorphisity results in some of the top being cropped off and a thin black line still visible on the bottom (sometimes. The film also shifts around on the reel switches). Plus the audio is possibly the worst ever committed to DVD. Even the Mill Creek releases sound better. I had to turn my receiver up to -4 to hear the film. I usually have it around -20, and that’s with the AC going (which was not the case today). And I still had trouble making out some of the dialogue.

And look at this fucking main menu! It looks like it was designed by Miauk. At first I thought the disc had gweeped and was showing me multiple menus at once. Seriously, this disc isn’t worth the urine I sprayed all over it once I finished watching the film. The film may be far from perfect, but it at least deserves a respectable transfer.

The other thing that kept me from loving the movie (I’m guessing it will grow on me, since there was nothing technically BAD about it) was that there was something like 23 killers. For a movie that inspired so many slasher movies (particularly Friday the 13th), I was expecting one or maybe two killers, tops. But I think every character in the film (except for the four random teens who show up and get killed in scenes that were later stolen outright in F13 sequels) kills another one at some point. I kept thinking about that one ending of Clue where Tim Curry reveals himself to be Mr. Body and that everyone else killed the wrong guy.

Gotta love the ending though. The final people (except for a guy named Ventura who just disappears mid-scene) are celebrating their victory, only to be suddenly shot to death by their children, who think it’s all a game. Hahahaha excellent.

Anyway, if you haven’t seen it yet I strongly urge you to wait until a proper DVD release is available. There is no reason anyone should support Simitar by purchasing the piece of shit they released.

What say you?

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Giallo, Italian, Video Nasties,

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