Non Canon Review: The Fog (1980)

JUNE 13, 2008

GENRE: GHOST, REVENGE
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

OK, I have to apologize to the makers of the remake of The Fog. In my review for that film, I mocked the idea of having an unveiling ceremony at 9 o clock at night. Well, that’s the way it is staged in the original, something I had forgotten. Granted, there are still plenty of other things to mock about the remake, but that is not one of them.

I say forgotten, but I’m still going to consider this a non canon review, because I remembered the jist of the film, as well as certain particular scenes (like when our two groups finally meet together in the church), even though I hadn’t seen it in over 10 years (and on a TV broadcast at that). I also remembered that I thought it was pretty damn good and didn’t understand why lots of folks (Carpenter included) considered it a letdown. I mean, yeah, it’s no Halloween, but it’s a solid ghost movie, with a fast pace, great cast, a few scares, and a super hot looking Nancy Loomis. What’s not to love?

One thing I really dig about the movie is how it’s like 3 different short movies combined. You got Tom Atkins and Jamie Lee Curtis investigating an abandoned ship, Adrienne Barbeau at a lighthouse/radio station with only Charles Cyphers to talk to (not a bad gig really, Cyphers rules), and finally Hal Holbrook, Janet Leigh, and Ms. Loomis discovering horrible secrets about the town that they are about to honor (at 9 pm!). Eventually, the stories blend (though Barbeau never shares a scene with any of the above), and the excitement is ramped up in kind. In a way, it’s even more “fun” than Halloween – it’s not as well made, certainly, but it’s almost nonstop in terms of different locations, story development, etc. I’ve read that Halloween was intended to be a thrill ride; if so, it’s like the first 30 seconds of a roller coaster, where you are slowly going around, coming up, and then hurtling to the bottom, whereas The Fog is the rest of the ride, with lots of ups and downs, twists and turns, etc.

If there’s one real issue, it’s the lack of ghost action. They only need 6 folks to kill, and they get 3 right off the bat. With this sort of “limit” in place, they don’t have a lot to do, and I’d like to see them more. It’s not a slasher film, so seeing them stand around watching our characters wouldn’t do, but why not just up that limit to an even 10 and get another 4 kills out of the deal? Rob Bottin’s ghost designs are pretty damn good, but we barely get to see any of them.

The score is fantastic as well. Not that that’s a surprise with Carpenter, but it’s easily one of his best scores. There’s some similarities to the Halloween themes, but you get some repetition with every composer. Look at James Horner, ALL of his scores sound alike, and he’s just composing! Carpenter is also writing, directing, and even acting, in his most visible role ever (until Body Bags anyway) as Holbrook’s assistant.

I also like how ridiculously long the opening credits last. We’re like 10 minutes into the film and they are still rolling out at a glacial pace. It’s awesome.

The DVD (which I finally opened when I got home, some three years after purchasing it) has some nice extras. For starters: a better than usual commentary with Carpenter and Debra Hill. He still drones on about lighting and frequently narrates the action, but he discusses a lot about shooting locations, effects, and the troubled production (without really going into details – he mentions Charles Cyphers’ role was reduced due to the reshoots, but doesn’t really explain how). It would have been nice to have some of the cut material presented in the extras, but alas. We also get an old making of from the time the film was release (produced by Mick Garris!), as well as a new one with lots of folks giving new interviews (no Jamie Lee though – her interview portions are recycled from the 1980 one). There are also a handful of trailers and a standard blooper reel, plus some notes from Carpenter on the interior sleeve.

Speaking of sleeves – what’s with so many new DVDs not even having the damn things? They used to be as standard as the outer sleeve – if nothing else it would have the chapter menu printed for easy reference. But they are so rare nowadays it was actually odd to not only see the thing inside, but to see that it had content (MGM was always pretty good with that though). Goddamn lazy home video departments...

It may not be one of Carpenter’s best films (I’d put it at around #7), but it’s certainly one of his best “crowd” movies. Halloween and The Thing are so highly revered it’s almost blasphemous to chuckle during their occasional “weak” moments (I use the term very loosely), but with The Fog it’s OK, and thus it makes for a grand experience. Even Carpenter has come around to it, now regarding it as one of his better pictures as well. It couldn’t have been easy for anyone involved to follow up Halloween (half the cast, and pretty much the entire crew from that film is present here), and considering the production problems, its something of a minor classic in retrospect.

What say you?

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Carpenter, Ghost, Non Canon, Revenge,

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Non Canon Review: The Thing (1982)

JUNE 13, 2008

GENRE: ALIEN, MONSTER

SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

OK I could have sworn that I wrote a “Non Canon” review for The Thing back when I last saw it, on a double bill with Invasion of the Body Snatchers last year, but I guess not. What a jerk I am.

Then again, it’s hard to review a film as close to perfect as this, especially for someone as cynical and sarcastic as me. I dunno about you guys, but the reviews for films I downright love tend to be boring as hell, and reek of cocksuckery. But, I’ll try.

The reason the film works as well as it does is that we get to know the guys in the middle of a panic. The "Thing" invades their base pretty much in the first scene, and it’s not too long after that that we have our first big effects scene. It would be more traditional to have a half hour or so of “getting to know you” type shit, but that would just be dull (indeed, some TV broadcasts have a sort of intro to each character, and it throws the pace of the film way off). We don’t need to know too much about their backstory, because it’s not relevant to the film’s story. We just need to know how they act in times of stress/danger, and that is revealed as the film goes. The Poseidon remake attempted this very same thing (with the same star!), and failed for the most part – because it was used to cover plot holes. Sure, it was great to have the wave hit 10 minutes into the film, but it got downright laughable to see Kurt Russell or Josh Lucas endlessly reveal old jobs that they had that would allow them to know how to do whatever the plot required. “I used to be a fireman.” “I used to be a plumber.” “I was the mayor of New York.” “I was a professional swimmer.” Etc.

And, as everyone already knows, Rob Bottin’s effects are fucking brilliant, and STILL look good, even better than the stuff we see today. There is literally only one effect in the entire film that looks a bit fake (a stop motion tentacle near the very end), and I am still downright flabbergasted as to how some of them were achieved. Whatever won the Oscar instead in 1982 (ET?) did not deserve it – they shouldn’t have even had nominees, and just given it to Rob right off the bat.

One thing I never noticed before was that Carpenter clearly did a few bits of the score himself. I’m sure I picked up on it on a subconscious level, but there are at least two scenes where the music is clearly not Ennio Morricone’s. Carpenter even admitted it, sort of, in the post film Q&A.

Watching it alongside Carpenter’s other films from the period just makes something stick out all the more, though – the cast. Other than Russell, who was making his third film with Carpenter, none of the usual character actors such as Tom Atkins or Charles Cyphers are in the film (Donald Pleasence was supposed to play Blair, but there was a scheduling conflict). I am not sure why he didn’t use his regular guys – if the film has one flaw, it’s that a few of the lesser known actors are clearly fodder. Populating the entire cast with faces (if not necessarily “names”) would have made the “Who is the thing?” sequences even more suspenseful. It’s also worth noting that Escape From New York, Carpenter’s previous film, was cast almost entirely with his regulars, and after that, none of them (Atkins, Cyphers, Jamie Lee, Nancy Loomis, Adrienne Barbeau, John Strobel, Nancy Stephens) worked with him again*. Weird.

As for the remake business, I'm happy to use it as an example when I explain that a remake is a valid idea for a film. But in all honesty, since the original was based on a story, and not very faithful to it, and this film is an adaptation of that same story with no real connection to The Thing From Another World (the title logo is about the only thing carried over), I would argue that it's not a remake at all. What do you guys think?

Remake or not, it’s simply an effective movie. I’ve seen it probably 8 or 9 times now, and I still jump at two points, and often forget which ones are “things” during certain sequences. It’s Carpenter and Cundey’s finest LOOKING film, for sure, even better than Halloween (those snowy landscapes and pitch black backgrounds sell the isolation effortlessly). The fact that it tanked (and was trashed mercilessly by the critics) upon its initial release still boggles the mind; even though I understand the whole “After ET people wanted to LIKE aliens” idea, it’s still just amazing that critics didn’t appreciate it, especially now when its often considered his best film (2nd best IMO – Halloween is and will always remain my personal favorite).

On a side note, the fact that I never finished the PC game is really gnawing at me lately, even though I didn’t really love it all that much (due to the strangely inconsistent manner in which the game presented itself as a sequel – they were supposed to be isolated, but now there’s like 200 buildings in the area and about 500 corpses lying around?). Anyone know if the Xbox version is compatible with the 360? I hate playing on my PC nowadays.

What say you?

*Unless you count Atkins and Loomis in Halloween III, which Carpenter produced.

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Alien, Carpenter, Monster, Non Canon,

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The Happening (2008)

JUNE 13, 2008

GENRE: POST-APOCALYPTIC
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REGULAR SCREENING)

Those who come to this site because they know me in real life, or because they found it via Bloody-Disgusting, would probably know I interviewed M. Night Shyamalan earlier this week for The Happening. The strange thing was, I hadn't seen the film yet, nor had anyone else, for Fox was only screening it AFTER the interviews had taken place (I couldn't even make that since it was at a ridiculous time: 10am on a weekday). Usually you see the film before, thus allowing you to ask intelligent questions, instead of "So... the trailer's cool...". However, now that I've seen it, I guess it's for the better, as my excitement for the film would have been too diluted from actually SEEING it, and thus the interview would instead have questions like "Seriously dude, what the fuck did you spend 60 million on?"

(NOTE - There are some SPOILERS in the rest of the review, so don't read on if you don't care to know the origin of the titular event. Just know that it's pretty weak and anyone who remembers the film's original title (when he announced it a year or so ago) gives it away anyway. The film as a whole is a step up from Lady in the Water, but still pretty disappointing).

Like The Village, the first half of the film works best. The paranoia is well implemented, the assorted extras who witness various stages of the 'attack' are quite good, and there are some pretty morbid visuals as well. It's also a change for Night - there are no incredibly long shots or scenes in which no one speaks for a minute or so. It's a fast paced story, and the camera/editing reflects it. The problem is our heroes are so bland (and in one case, borderline unlikable) that it becomes a bit of a bore watching them, and only them, deal with what is, sigh, Happening around them. At one point, two of the leads split up, and I was hoping that the film would benefit from this, seeing one group flee while the other (a more interesting character anyway) attempts a rescue of some sort. But the latter is killed off almost as soon as they split apart from the others, and it's back to dullsville (I won't spoil who is who but again, it's not exactly difficult to figure out when you see whose name is above the title).

Another problem is, as usual, Zooey Deschanel. She is ridiculously cute, yes, but she always plays the exact same character - a cold, emotionless introvert. For Christ's sake girl, try a fucking smile once in a while. And since Night's script doesn't give her much to work with anyway, after a while you might wonder why we should even care about her at all. Aren't these the type of people the trees are attacking anyway?

Yes, trees. Our villains are shrubs, grass, etc. Between this, Organizm, and The Ruins, I am considering adding a "Killer Plant" subgenre to my ever expanding list. Though we are spared the sight of a tree literally killing someone with its branches or whatever, we are led to believe that the trees feel that the country is destroying itself, and since they can't move around, they are fighting back the only they can (causing poisonous wind, obviously). In theory it's not really the worst idea ever, but it's a pretty silly concept, and the utter lack of fun to the proceedings (par for the course with Shyamalan) really makes it hard to swallow. If it was a more "fun" film, like your Roland Emmerich types, inane plot points are much easier to accept.

It's the same problem that has plagued Shyamalan for his last 3 films: he simply needs to let someone write his scripts. The concepts are all fine, his direction is great, but the dialogue, structure... other than a few stand alone sequences, they all just fall flat. In Signs, the "small scale apocalypse" concept worked perfectly - the characters were compelling, the motive wasn't really an issue, and since there was an actual PHYSICAL threat to deal with, there were some truly scary/suspenseful scenes. Not so much here, though to be fair there are only a couple attempts at such things (usually it boils down to someone seeing some grass wave around in the wind and then yelling "RUN!" to the others), for the most part it's just the occasional visual meant to give an audience a jolt (such as a road in which everyone has hung themselves from the trees - which doesn't even make sense when you consider who the villain is, but whatever) as opposed to prolonged setpieces.

This could have been his best film in years (I love Sixth Sense and Unbreakable dearly, even now), but his ever-increasing inability to trust others has once again worked against him. For example, his last film, Lady in the Water, was originally a Disney film, like all of his others. But when they told him the script sucked he simply went elsewhere (Warner Bros, who didn't keep him around) rather than allow someone else to take a crack at it. It's a damn shame - his name alone was enough to propel even a rather unsatisfying film like The Village to a huge gross only 4 years ago. But after these last couple, he's in danger of inspiring the exact opposite reaction from an audience. He's a great director, but he keeps betraying his skill by filming lackluster scripts. Hell, he might even fare better directing someone else's shitty script, at least then we can't put the blame solely on him.

On a plus note, his role as an actor in this one is limited to the voice on a phone. At least he figured out one of his weaknesses.

What say you?

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Post-Apocalyptic,

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Monster From A Prehistoric Planet (1967)

JUNE 12, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, MONSTER
SOURCE: DVD (BUDGET PACK 2!!!)

I have never seen any of the old Godzilla movies, or Gamera, or Gorgo, ... I dunno, Googleo. But thanks to my Horror Classics set, I HAVE seen Gappa, or as it’s sadly known instead, Monster From A Prehistoric Planet (aka Daikyojû Gappa - close enough!), which I assume is pretty much the same: A guy in a suit destroying models, lots of pleasant Asian guys coming up with plans to stop them, a life lesson about mankind’s often false sense of superiority... all that good stuff is here.

It’s also, as far as I can recall, the only color film in the entire Horror Classics set, which is nice. It’s been so long since I have watched anything from the (mostly color) Chilling Classics set that I had forgotten what old, scratched, poorly transferred VHS color looked like. However, there is one thing I don’t miss, and this blatantly obvious cropped imagery:

However, Iwao Yamaz’s reenplay is an entertaining one, with a good amount of destruction, and thus many a model knocked over. I wish he had come up with the idea of having the two monsters (who are seeking their stolen baby monster) maybe split up to cover more ground, rather than constantly staying side by side and destroying the same buildings at the same time (must have inspired the game Rampage), but that’s OK. I also wish he had explained the monster’s power, which is some sort of blue light that emanates from their mouth, which causes toy airplanes to explode into 4 or 5 pieces.

(Note – I love that rather than risk continuity errors, the filmmakers use toys whether the monsters are in the shot or not).

And come on, how can you not be entertained by a monster that looks like this:

Now, as I am not familiar with the others – when there are multiple monsters, they kill off at least one of them, right? We have 3 here, I was assuming that at least one would take a nuke up the ass or something, but no, the happy ending sees the monster family taking off together, all but cheered on by the human beings the monsters were stepping on just moments earlier.

Also, the monsters sound like jets for some reason. Just wanted to point that out.

What say you?

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Asian, Horror Classics, Monster,

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Organizm (2008)

JUNE 11, 2008

GENRE: MAD SCIENTIST, MONSTER
SOURCE: DVD (STORE RENTAL)

You cannot imagine my surprise when, after viewing and enjoying the film Organizm (despite the stupid new title - it aired as Living Hell, which isn't much better but is at least spelled correctly), I looked at its IMDb page and discovered that it was a Sci-Fi original (or at least aired as a premiere – Anonymous, if you’re out there and want to correct me again on my ignorant knowledge of what films are Sci-Fi’s own and which are just picked up by then, please feel free). The effects weren’t all that great, but it was well written/acted/directed, and had a refreshing lack of idiotic teens going skinny dipping.

The first 45-50 minutes of the film are great. It’s like a long X-Files episode, only instead of Mulder and Scully investigating the shenanigans and goings on, the people who unleashed the monster in the first place are the ones dealing with it. We have the government base, the locals, some military hardasses (none too cartoonish though), all the ingredients one requires to deliver an effective monster movie.

Like I said, the effects aren’t that great at times, but they are minimal until the final 15 minutes anyway. Our monster is an ever-growing plant-like thing with tendrils that infect/devour our protagonists (think The Ruins, if you were smart enough to go see it), and director Richard Jeffries (no stranger to horror, having co-wrote the terrifying Chevy Chase film Man of the House) was wise to keep the close up tendril action shots to a minimum. There’s an awful explosion and a few badly composited helicopters* as well, but overall it’s not too bad compared to say, Lake Placid 2, in which not a single effects shot worked. I’d also like to defend the ridiculous blood splatter in the film’s opening flashback sequence – it’s a dream and thus the fake looking blood is probably intentional.

But no matter, it’s a very professional and fairly exciting monster movie, with a well-paced structure a la The Blob (remake). The outbreak is fast, and thus the film has more scope than I was expecting. I thought the whole movie would be set on the army base, but we go to a church, a school, parts of the town, etc., with the tendrils constantly catching up and devouring folks (once the outbreak occurs I don’t think we ever go more than 5 minutes without some sort of attack or “chase”).

However, the finale felt a bit weak compared to the rest. It involves our two heroes (including Erika Leerhsen, which is why I watched it in the first place) heading to the source of the monster outbreak and infecting it with poisonous blood. It’s not that it’s bad, but it felt like I had seen this type of scenario before, so combined with the weak effects, I began to lose interest. However, I was amused that the plot actually found a reason for Leerhsen to get covered in blood (it protects her), since she’s usually caked in the shit by the end of any horror movie she appears in anyway. Nice work.

I also discovered that I am way too determined to find all of the goddamn pigeons in GTAIV. One scene had a pigeon in the background, and I instinctively reached for my Liberty City map as soon as I heard the damn thing (I mark each one I kill on the map, so when I get to the point where I can’t find them on my own, I can go online and find the locations of the ones I missed without having to look in areas I already cleared). Damn you, sound effects editor Jonathan Coomes!!!

It’s also a beautiful transfer. I don’t know who did it, but they should be commended. It honestly looked like a Blu-Ray at times, with tiny details like Jonathan Schaech’s stubble looking crystal clear even in darker scenes. One of the best I have seen for a non-theatrical release.

Sadly there are no extras other than a bland commentary. It’s amusing to hear Schaech pointing out other movies that this one reminds him of (“Did you see The Mist?” “Did you see Cloverfield?”), to the point where the director gets mildly annoyed, but otherwise it’s the same old “Remember this day?” “Oh man, this day was bad, I was really sick.” “No you did great though” type of actor/director back and forth. There are a few interesting tidbits here and there, but unless you loved the movie you can probably do without it (especially when, again, the director wonders if anyone watches a commentary before they watch the movie. For the love of Christ, NO! STOP PONDERING IT!!!)

I can’t vouch for the Sci-Fi version that aired, but in a sea of DTV garbage, it definitely sticks out (that’s two in a row for Leerhsen after Wrong Turn 2). It’s reasonably intelligent, it’s professionally acted and directed, and has a woman carving letters into her terrified 8-year-old kid’s hands in the first two minutes. Not too shabby.

What say you?

*Oddly, earlier this morning I watched Escape From LA again, to prepare me for my upcoming Carpenter Q&A. That film has bar none the absolute worst computer effects, particularly the helicopters, in a theatrically released film, EVER.

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Mad Scientist, Monster,

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¡Tintorera! (1977)

JUNE 10, 2008

GENRE: PREDATOR
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

Much like any film that screens along with something like Pieces or Shocker, ¡Tintorera! didn’t really have a chance of being as lovingly received as Crocodile, because it’s more professionally made, doesn’t have as much action, and is largely lacking in anything that would be considered “visually exciting”. Billed as a softcore sex version of Jaws, it doesn’t have enough shark OR sexual action to really engage an audience. Maybe if it came first it would have been easier to deal with, but after the sheer bliss and insanity of Crocodile, it was just a giant bore for the most part.

Have you ever watched Pearl Harbor and wondered what the film would be like if Affleck and Hartnett decided to simply share Kate Beckinsale instead of fighting over her? That’s basically what you have here; the movie is less about a shark than a melodrama about two guys who at first fight over a woman, then bond, pick up a couple of local girls (who they swap back and forth), then meet another woman who is perfectly fine with being their shared lover. In the film’s best moment, the first woman, who is introduced and characterized in a manner that would lead you to believe she was the female lead, is killed about 20 minutes in, a nice sort of Psycho type twist (albeit in the middle of a shitty movie). After she is dispatched, there is almost no shark on human action for the rest of the film. Instead, the two guys occasionally kill sharks for sport (or food, I forget - either way these scenes are more cruel than anything else) in between bouts of incredibly unemotional sex (the woman even makes a speech about how love is never to enter the ‘triangle’).

At least, we can assume they are having sex. I can accept that the body count is low, but if it’s low because they are more interested in following the lives of our three leads, the least they can do is offer some actual sex scenes. Instead we are mainly just given pre or post coitus laughs and glances. In fact, one of the trailers before the film, for a movie called The Beach Bunnies, actually offered more nudity and sex than this film did in its entirety (though there is some nudity – all in skinny dipping situations). I don’t know if there is an audience who longs for a 5 minute sequence of three morons taking photos of one another as they walk along the beach, but I am certainly not part of it.

Finally, after an hour or so, one of the three is killed, which is surprisingly kind of sad (mainly due to the realization that the character’s ridiculous speedos and bad dubbing will no longer be with us), and they go after the shark. It’s still not very thrilling; I actually dozed off for a bit. Apparently 40 minutes were edited from the film, but my research (reading two other reviews) suggests this was for the better - the cut stuff was all just more of the romantic melodrama. None of the precious little shark attack stuff was removed (so I can’t imagine how goddamn boring this movie is in its ‘full’ form).

One thing though – the death of one of the leads is a great sequence; with lots of gore, exposed guts, and hilariously kicking legs that have been separated from their owner. Five or six scenes like that and the movie would be worth a watch, but since the clip is probably on Youtube, just watch that and skip the rest.

Hah! It is!!!

What say you?

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Predator,

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Crocodile (1981)

JUNE 10, 2008

GENRE: ASIAN, MONSTER
SOURCE: THEATRICAL (REVIVAL SCREENING)

Longtime readers (or new readers who went back and read all the old reviews) know how much I love the New Beverly Cinema, particularly the “grindhouse” nights (now twice a month!) hosted by Eric Caidin and Brian Quinn. For those uninitiated among you, this is simply a pair of older films (usually 70s or early 80s) that have a ‘drive-in’ appeal, are often cheaply made, terribly written/acted, etc. Of course, some actual classy productions are snuck in as well (they are the ones behind the annual screening of Black Christmas, for example), but the real joy comes from movies like Crocodile (aka Chorake), which are so inept and hilariously cheap that nearly even minute of the film provides at least one laugh out loud moment.

The other day I slammed a movie called Sight for its poor editing – well I take it back (somewhat), because THIS movie should win some sort of award for its baffling editing style. Scenes often include cutaways to things which are seemingly not part of the scene (my favorite: they suddenly cut to a drink on a table on some sort of patio, zoom out to reveal several tables, and then the scene - which takes place inside - resumes), scenes that are noticeably out of place in the narrative, ridiculous attempts to cut real footage of a croc with their animatronic/rubber/whatever the hell it was creation. Of course, this may be largely due to the fact that the film was a re-edit of another film called Agowa Gongpo, from 1978. I cannot find enough information to discern what was different/added. And I'm not sure I want to know, because I think that would ruin the sheer joy of the incomprehensible editing.

And the attack scenes are even worse (and thus, better). There are a few, and they are all pretty much the same (the fact that some shots are obviously recycled doesn’t help hide this fact): the real croc walks through a hilariously off-scale model of a village, dozens of Thai extras begin to scream, we see footage of a thunderstorm and what looks like those “whirlpools” you make with two Pepsi bottles, the croc blinks, then the extras fall into the water as red juice flows around them. Occasionally the croc’s tail will set off an explosion and knock out a few more buildings, which cause the instant diving into the water and subsequent eating of a few more villagers, and then we cut to Thailand’s sole hospital (and their sole paramedic team) bringing a body to the hospital. So it's like half Jaws, half Godzilla (the croc's always inconsistent size is another source of hilarity).

At least those scenes offer some on-camera carnage. The film’s alleged hero gets drawn into the plot when his family is presumably killed by the crocodile, but we don’t really see this. Without any sort of setup, his sister goes into the water and sees his kid’s floating tube, but no kid. She screams and then mimes being pulled under the water, at which point the guy’s wife runs into the water and the entire process repeats again. During this entire sequence we are never even given the usual shot of the crocodile’s eye blinking (or his suped up red eyes that appear in a few choice scenes) that is often used in place of any actual onscreen violence. It’s sort of like the opening scene of Jaws, except without even an underwater POV shot to help us out. Anyway, they’re all dead, and thus he does what any man would in that situation: reads some newspapers, looks at a map he drew himself, conducts some sort of experiment that involves brightly colored fluids being mixed together, and finally assembles a team that includes his buddy and a Quint wannabe with a penchant for taking off his shirt, and heads out to the open sea to exact revenge. They are inexplicably joined by a guy who just climbs on their boat and begins taking photos, and before long the croc is carrying out a personal vendetta against them.

And it succeeds! Evearyone dies. It’s fucking amazing. They take the croc with it, but it’s nothing short of awe-inspiring to watch the film’s final minute, which is a still shot of their wrecked boat sinking, a few pieces of debris, and the water returning to its usual flow after being disrupted by the explosion that took everything out. No Hooper and Brody-style swimming back to shore, no final one-liner, nothing. Just the ocean, silent and devoid of human survivors. Poetic, in a bad Thai Jaws knockoff sort of way.

I cannot recommend this movie enough.

What say you?

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Asian, Monster,

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